


A Bond of Flames and Broken Hearts

by MoreBooksLessBoys



Series: The Illyrian’s Mate Bonds [2]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Manipulative Relationship, Mates, Mating Bond, Pining, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:20:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreBooksLessBoys/pseuds/MoreBooksLessBoys
Summary: Ariela flies to Windhaven in hopes of finding someone who will save her wings from clipping. Someone does save her, the General of the Nigh Court, Cassian, who turns out to be her mate. But Ariela discovers that her mate is already with someone and has no intention of recognizing the mate bond.
Relationships: Cassian (ACoTaR)/Original Female Character(s), Eris Vanserra/Original Female Character(s), Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Series: The Illyrian’s Mate Bonds [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102613
Comments: 78
Kudos: 209





	1. Save Me

Ariela had done everything she could to to make herself look younger, to cling onto the safe years of her girlhood. She would hide her developed blossoms under wraps of bandages. She would arrange her hair in girlish styles, using ribbons and curling the ends, letting it always loose over the sides of her face and her back. She’d only eat enough to not starve to death, and drink herb teas she heard among whispers that prevented her first blood from coming. Ariela tried everything and it did work to delay the inevitable. But she was already eighteen, it was getting harder to hide how her cheekbones had become defined, she could still hide her defined hips with unflattering clothing, and her breast hurt from being flattened with bandages but she could bear it. She could bear everything to keep her wings intact. 

She did everything to delay it, but it was inevitable. Her first blood came at night and when she rose the next morning she did not notice until she went to wash up in the bathroom. She came rushing out but the maid had already seen the stain on her sheets and her mother had already been called. 

No matter how much she begged her mother, she did not help her. She begged her to keep it a secret, to give her more time. But her mother’s heart was made of iron, she did not even spare her a second thought.

Her brothers were all too pleased to hear the news. They dragged her, kicking and screaming, no doubt taking her to her father. She screamed for help though she knew no one would help her. Not her mother, not the maid. No one would help her. Not one would save her from her fate and go against her father. Wing clipping was banned by the High Lord, but he would never know. Her father was lord of the Illyrian camp, and he despised the High Lord and his progressive ideas. Lord Rhysand would never know that her wings were clipped. Not if she stayed there.

With a hot burst of strength that came from her fear, her terror and her will to fly, Ariela freed herself from her brothers and ran out the door, taking in flight. The wind was cold and as she flew faster and higher, the icy wind cut through her skin. Ariela was only wearing her nightgown, the icy wind was brutal on her bare skin, but she would rather die frozen mid flight than having her wings clipped and be grounded for the rest of her life. 

She knew her brothers were following right on her heels, Ariela could not afford to slow down. She pushed through the icy winds, flying as fast as she could. She had to make it to Windhaven. She doubted the person that could help her was there, but Lord Devlon was more compliant of the High Lord’s orders. Even if he did not want to have issues with her father Lord Devlon would have to intervene if she caused a commotion in his camp. It would give her enough time to stall and hopefully find a way to reach Azriel, her brother—her half brother who hated her family for the horrors they had put him through when he was a child. 

Ariela had not even been born, perhaps he wouldn’t hate her. He knew how cruel her family could be and that could convince him to help her. 

One of her brothers took hold of her slipper, startling her and shaking her flight. Ariela kicked off the shoe and pushed harder with her wings. There was a hot burst of energy that flashed close to her left wing. She cried out in pain and screamed as she started to fall. 

Ariela collected herself in time to just scrape by a tree top. She did not have time to gain height, she needed to just keep flying. The Illyrian female almost sobbed as Windhaven came into view. She lunged forward, flying with all her might. 

When her feet touched the ground they were already landing behind her. They grabbed her arms and shoulders and pushed her down to the ground as she screamed. She was in Windhaven, all she needed was for Lord Devlon to hear the commotion. 

The female tried to pull free from her brothers’ grip but Killian slammed her down to the cold damp ground with a vice grip on her neck. 

“Don’t fight it,” Duncan spat. “You’re a matured female. It’s time for you to stop acting like a child. The clipping would’ve gone smoothly if you hadn’t made a scene.”

“I want to fly!” She cried. “What would you do if they threatened to clip your wings?”

Duncan growled. “I am a male. You are a female, know your place.”

“Depending on how many people saw your little escape, father might agree to do the clipping in public,” Killian smirked.

Duncan shared Killian’s pleased look. “He might just let us do it instead of the healer.”

Ariela’s hand moved in a flash, nails scratching the side of Duncan’s face. Her brother cried out in anger rather than pain. He grabbed her hand and twisted her wrist, breaking the bone with one move. 

The female screamed.

“You little—“

The next crack was not her finger like Duncan had intended. Someone kicked Killian’s face, instantly breaking his nose and forcing him to let go of her neck. Duncan tried to get up to fight, but he was already being yanked back and away from her. The male that had come to her defense tossed him aside without strain. He looked down at Ariela and the air was knocked out of her lungs. 

Like the ribbons she tied to her hair to look younger, Ariela felt a ribbon be tied to the center of her chest and pulled me towards him, the other end tied somewhere in him. The ribbon was lit in warm flames. Ariela had never felt something like this and she knew would never feel it again—not for another male. The Illyrian standing over her, asking her if she was in pain was her mate. 

If the male felt the same heart stopping feeling she had experienced, he did not show it. He turned a savage expression on her brothers as they stood in challenging poses. “Stay out of it. This is a family matter.”

“You were attacking her,” the male growled.

Duncan took a step forward, the male moved to block his view of her. “It’s a family misunderstanding.”

“They want to clip my wings,” Ariela accused. 

She did not have to see her brothers to imagine the look on their faces. 

“Wing Clipping has been banned by our High Lord,” the male growled.

“Our mother and father, Lord—“

“I know who your father is,” the male stated with a chilling growl. “As the General and Commander of the Night Court’s forces, it is also my duty to see that my High Lord’s orders are carried out. Wing clipping is a banned practice. You do not want to go against the High Lord.”

Killian and Duncan shared a look. “No, we wouldn’t want that. We will desist, but Ariela must return home.”

Ariela rose to her feet and gripped the back of the General’s shirt with her uninjured hand, her shoulders brushing his wings. “I don’t want to go back,” she pleaded. “General,” she said, though she remembered his name to be Cassian. “I am of age. I will serve the High Lord, but please do not make me go back.”

“She will stay.”

“Ariela,” Killian called, his voice cold.

“She is our sister,” said Duncan. “You cannot keep her.”

Ariela held her breath, waiting for him to tell them she was his mate, but Cassian did not respond. “Azriel is my brother too,” she said. “I might not be talented like he is but I will serve the High Lord any way I can.

“How dare you call him your brother?!” Duncan barked.

Ariela tried to grab onto Cassian with both hands but whimpered as she lifted her injured hand. 

“If Ariela is of age, she can decide what she wants to do,” said Cassian. “She has chosen to remain in Windhaven and serve her High Lord.”

“Ariela.” Killian called her again.

She shuddered against Cassian. The general must have felt it because his wings extended slightly more. 

“I made my choice.”

There was a moment of silence and then her brothers took off into the air. The moment they were gone Ariela collapsed, her legs weak under her. Cassian crouched down, his hazel eyes looking at her worriedly.

“Lord Hovan will not be pleased.”

Cassian looked behind her and scoffed. “Of course he won’t. He might be an Illyrian Lord, but he must abide by Rhysand's orders. Wind clipping is forbidden.”

Ariela turned to find Lord Devlon with crossed arms. There were other Illyrian standing behind him and a couple of females watching from the sidelines. 

“She can stay in the camp until you figure out what to do with her,” said Lord Devlon. “No one here will touch her, but I do not want conflict with Lord Hovan.”

After Cassian helped her to her feet, he took her to one of the houses to look at her wrist. “It’s definitely broken,” he stated and started rubbing some green ointment. 

Ariela was watching his face intently, occasionally flinching as he wrapped her wrist. He was very handsome. He was tan-skinned and muscled like most Illyrians and though his features were rough, he was undeniably attractive. The Illyrian had shoulder length hair, half pulled in a bun, his eyes were hazel and his facial bone structure was well defined and handsome. 

“You flew all the way from your camp without proper clothing?” He eyed her thin nightgown, which was now dirty and torn.

“They didn’t give me time to change.”

Cassian’s lips quirked. 

Ariela wanted to ask about the mate bond but she didn’t even know what she wanted to ask. She was wondering if he was going to say something about it. Perhaps he thought it was not the best time to discuss it. 

The door of the house opened and a scowling High Fae female walked in. “Why is everyone—who is that?”

Cassian finished tying the bandage rather messily and stood up. “She’s from another camp. Her family was trying to clip her wings.” 

“I suppose that was the commotion then,” said the High fae. 

Ariela stood up slowly, unsure of how to address the female. Should she introduce herself? 

“Ariela,” the way he said her name made her heart skip a beat. “Nesta helps train the female Illyrians here in Windhaven. She will take you to wash up and find you some clean clothes.”

Nesta gave Cassian a look and sighed. “Follow me.”

She followed the high fae up a narrow staircase. She pointed at a door and went through a different door herself. Ariela opened the door Nesta had pointed at. It was a bathroom. She grimaced at her reflection in the mirror. Her neck was bruising horribly, her hair and clothes muddy. 

“These should fit,” Nesta was at the door, holding clean clothes and a towel. 

“Thank you,” Ariela took them from her.

Nesta said nothing, simply turning away and leaving. Ariela closed the door and started the bath. There was no hot water. She grimaced as she removed her dirty gown, her wrist hurt at any movement. She wondered how she was supposed to bath with the bandages Cassian had tied around her wrist, perhaps he would do it for her again. 

She had not intended to take long in the shower. But she lost herself thinking about Cassian. The General of the Night Court’s forces was her mate. She didn’t know much about him, only that her father hated him and that he was Azriel’s friend. Ariela had come to Windhaven hoping Lord Devlon would intervene. She doubted he would go against her father, but she hoped he would buy her time so she could reach Azriel. It was a far-fetched glimpse of hope. Azriel probably did not know of her existence, and if he did she doubted he cared or considered her a sister.

The cauldron seemed to have tipped her way and not only did she find someone with the authority to send her brothers their way, she had found her mate. 

It took her some time to put on the clothes Nesta had given her due to her injured wrist. She hastily brushed her long dark hair and looked at herself in the mirror. The sweater Nesta gave her only hid half of the bruising on her neck. But her face had not suffered much. She tucked her hair behind her ears, watched her defined jaw and cheekbones and her plump rosy lips.

As she went down the stairs, she wondered what Cassian thought of her. Did he think she was pretty? The question dissipated in her mind as she reached the bottom of the stairs and found her mate kissing Nesta. 

The High fae pushed him away and turned to look at her. Cassian cleared his throat and stepped back. “How is your wrist?” He asked.

“Broken.”

Nesta eyed her wrist. Ariela had rewrapped the bandage around her wrist after her bath. The ointment seemed to have numbed the pain, but it still hurt to try to move it. “I can call the healer.”

The door rattled open, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. A handsome male stepped in, hair so dark it looked blue and violet sparkling eyes. He did not need introductions, she bowed her head.

“Good, you’re here,” said Cassian. “Devlon said he would keep everyone away but I keep seeing males here and there, trying to get a look inside.”

“He complained the moment I arrived,” said the High Lord. “Says he wants no conflicts between camps because of a female.”

“Lord Rhysand, if you allow me to stay, I will serve you in whatever way you see fit,” she stuttered. “I can sew and I can clean.”

“You can’t stay here,” said Rhysand. “You won’t be safe in a war camp.”

“I—“

“You’ll come to Velaris with me,” he said. “Once you settle in we will find something for you.”

Tears streamed down her face. “Thank you.”

“Her hand is broken,” said Cassian, “and her left wing seems injured.”

Rhysand nodded. “A healer will see you when we arrive.”

Ariela had been waiting for someone to come in after the High lord, but it was becoming obvious that he had come alone. “Did Azriel—did he not come?”

Rhysand and Cassian shared a look. “He is not available at the moment.”

The female nodded. “He didn’t want to see me.”

Rhysand’s silence was enough to answer.

“Thank you for everything,” she said to her mate and his lover before followed the High Lord out. 


	2. Only Half

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela finally meets Azriel in person, but the meeting does not go as expected. Ariela is staring to believe she isn’t wanted anywhere. Not with her mater and not with her brother.

Ariela watched the healer work on her broken bone. She had already healed the minor irritations on her left wing and the scrapes on her back. Her wrist felt hot as the healer pressed her fingers into her skin. “You’ll have minor aches all day but you’ll wake up good as new tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

The healer rose to her feet. “I am not good with matters of the heart,” the healer said in an apologetic tone. “I am afraid you’ll have to heal that all on your own.”

The female looked away. “Thank you,” she repeated.

She watched the healer leave, not moving from her spot on the bed. The High Lord had brought her to Velaris and given her a room in the House of wind. The Illyrian had never been to Velaris, but she had heard of it. The Court of Dreams that had been kept a secret for centuries, away from the cruel reach from the Court of Nightmares. 

Most Illyrian males did not seem interested in the Court of Dreams in the slightest. Illyrians kept to the mountains and rejected progressive ideas. But when Ariela had heard of it, her first thought had been that no one would tell her she couldn’t fly in the Court of Dreams. If the other females dreamed of the idea of coming to Velaris, they didn’t speak of it, likely afraid of being heard by the wrong person.

Ariela was in Velaris now, yet she could not find the motivational curiosity to get up from the bed and look out the window. She felt empty, hollowed from the inside out. Her father would never forgive her escape and her mother would never forgive the shame and embarrassment. Killian and Duncan never cared for her, but now they likely despised her for swearing herself to serve Lord Rhysand and for choosing Azriel over them.

The female knew that she should feel heartbroken for parting from her family, but there was nothing there. Her chest was hollow with no real love for them. She had always been afraid of her father and her brothers. Her mom had never shown proper affection or the slightest interest in her. She didn’t have any happy colorful memories of her family, it was all dull gray, stonic and uncomfortable ordeals. And there were the punishments.

She never had anything other than material things at home and now she had nothing at all. Ariela had nowhere to return to. She had gone to Windhaven, risking what could have been her last flight for a desperate hope of receiving some mercy from Lord Devlon—just enough time to find a way to call for Azriel. Ariela had found more, but she had found nothing at all. The General and Commander of the Night Court’s forces had protected her from her brothers. In him, Ariela had discovered her mate. But Cassian seemed to have a lover, the kiss she had witnessed might have been a subtle way to tell her that he was not acknowledging the mate bond. 

Ariela had found a merciful High Lord, but had found no brother. Azriel didn’t want to see her. She had found nothing. 

The Illyrian female rose from the bed and walked over to the window. “But I can fly,” she whispered, glancing down at the city. 

…

It had been two weeks since her arrival to Velaris. Ariela had spent most of her time in the bedroom Rhysand had provided for her in the House of Wind. She had been given a quick tour of the place, but her mind had not been very present. On her second day at the House of Wind, the High Lady had come to see her along with Elain, her sister, and the Morrigan. Ariela had learned that Nesta was Feyre’s older sister. Cassian’s lover was the High Lady’s sister, of course he wouldn’t have been fazed by the mate bond.

The High Lady told her she could use anything in the House of Wind and Elain had offered to give her a tour of her favorite parts of Velaris. Ariela had simply nodded her head, thanking them, but she did not feel like going anywhere. 

Ariela only visited the library, taking stacks of books to her room. She had moved an armchair next to the window and would sit there for hours, sometimes reading, other times blankly staring at the page. Back at home, her mother gave her plenty of books, but they were all about sewing, gardening, proper manners, and preparedness to be a good wife. 

The library in the House of Wind was filled with books of all kinds. She read about history, culture and customs, languages, and nature. Then she moved on to literary classic books she could only have found in high fae libraries. At the end of the second week, she was reading romance novels. 

She was reading in her room while eating breakfast when there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” she called, setting down her fork. 

The High Lady walked in. Ariela immediately stood up and bowed her head. “Is this why you won’t leave your room?” Feyre asked, glancing around the piles of books all over her room.

Ariela’s cheeks flushed red. “I’ll put them all back where I found them.”

“You can read as many as you wish,” said the High Lady. “But it would also do you good to leave your room. Elain’s offer to show you the city was genuine.”

“I appreciate it,” said Ariela. “I’ll take her up to it.”

Feyre smiled. “I will tell her to come tomorrow.” Then she added. “Or you could come have breakfast at the house tomorrow morning, I could come get you.”

“I wouldn’t want to bother you,”she shook her head. “If you give me the directions I can find my way.” 

Feyre nodded. “Now, onto the reason I came to find you. Rhysand mentioned that you were probably never trained since your father is against it. I wanted to propose we start training together.” Ariela stared at the High Lady with wide eyes. She had never been allowed to train in self defense, let alone combat. And here was the Lady of the Night Court offering to train with her. “I am not as good of an instructor as Cassian is, but he taught me. I can teach you the basics.”

“I—I would really appreciate that,” Ariela stumbled over her words.

The High Lady smiled. “Great. Would you like to start today?” 

...

After hours training the High Lady had offered to wait for her to wash off the sweat and take her to the house for lunch. Ariela had refused, using her tiredness as an excuse. She ate lunch alone and now she ate dinner alone too. She had found a book on Illyrian fighting techniques and was reading attentively, often forgetting to take a bite of her meal. Her stomach was used to eating only a few bites. They had not gone in dept during training. Feyre had done plenty of demonstrations and taught her the basic moves of defense. 

She took another bite and her stomach protested. She chewed and swallowed slowly, taking a sip of water and closing the book. Ariela thought of Feyre’s suggestions to get out of her room more often and went to grab a coat from the armoire. She was not sure where exactly all the clothes had come from. The armoire had been empty except for a few dresses, but a few days after her arrival she had gotten out of the bath and found the armoire full of clothing. Most of it fit perfectly, there were a few things that were a little too big, but it was likely because she was unhealthily slim. 

Ariela put on a coat and slipped the small book in the pocket. She grabbed the tray and carried it out to the kitchen. She washed her dishes, grabbed an apple and made her way to one of the balconies. She sat down close enough to the railing to see the city below, giving herself a few minutes of silent admiring before taking out the book. She bit down on the apple as she read. She had taken to eating an apple after every meal, pushing her stomach to get used to consuming more food and nutrients. 

By the time she finished her apple it was getting too cold to stay out. She closed to book and stood up, peering down at the city lights. Her wings twitched as a cold wind grazed them. She had been taking flights before bed as a way to calm herself down and remind herself that she might have nothing else, but her wings were intact. She could fly, they had not pinned her down to the ground.

“If you're thinking of flying,” a smooth voice came from the shadows, “you should consider wearing something more appropriate for the wind.”

Ariela turned, startled by the male half hidden by shadows. She let out a soft gasp, staring at the shadowsinger with wide eyes. The female had never met him in person before, but she knew it was him. His face was elegant cheekbones and jawline, eyes hazel, gold and warm honey just like her own. They had their father’s eyes. 

She was so dumbfounded by his sudden appearance that she had forgotten to reply. Azriel turned away, looking down at the city. “I didn’t know he had a daughter.”

It took Ariela longer than it should have to grasp his words and realize he was referring to her. She rushed to answer before he started considering her stupid. “I was unexpected—very unexpected,” she stumbled to explain. “Mother didn’t think she’d have more children.”

Azriel said nothing, simple stared down the balcony.

“It must have been shocking to find out you have another sibling,” she added, trying to keep the conversation going. “A much younger sister at that—“

“We’re not—we are not real siblings—“ Ariela flinched at his harsh tone. 

“Of course,” she said, her voice a whisper. “Only half.”

Azriel noticed her slumped shoulders and sighed, trying to relax his posture. “Yes—I apologize. It was an unexpected finding.”

Ariela shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize. I should have expected this. You must hate my family, why would you ever want to know about another half sibling?

Azriel seemed to regret his wording, but Ariela did not wait to hear any attempts to apologize. She could feel the tears filling her eyes and she did not want him to see her cry. 

As soon as she reached her room, she closed the door behind her and slid down to the floor, sobbing into her knees. Her mate did not want her, her brother did not want her, her High Lord had no use for her. Ariela had nothing. 

…

The next morning, Ariela woke up early and changed into the training clothes Feyre had given her. The High Lady was already waiting for her to train. What she did not expect was to see Cassian. The General offered her a warm smile, Ariela’s chest hurt. “I heard you started training so I thought I’d stop by—and, I brought a gift.”

Ariela took the parchment wrapped gift, staring at Cassian in surprise. 

“Open it,” he urged her.

Ariela tore the parchment, lips parting in a soft gasp. It was Illyrian leathers, only worn by warriors—meaning only males wore them. “For me?” She croaked.

“Yeah,” he patted her shoulder. “Before you know it, you’ll be a trained warrior. Learn to defend yourself, learn to fight, and in a year or so you can be teaching other Illyrian females at a war camp.” 

“I will do my best,” she promised. 

Her family would be enraged to see her in Illyrian warrior leathers. But Cassian, the General of the Night Court, and her mate, had just gifted them to her, certain that she would become a strong Illyrian warrior. Ariela did not want to disappoint him, she would train as much as necessary to wear the leathers proudly.

Cassian smiled and patted her shoulders again, Ariela’s chest fluttered. 

He stayed to help her train. He helped her with her defensive stands and showed her where to put her strength. She blushed scarlet when he assessed her body, telling her she needed to put on weight to develop muscle and when he touched her to fix her posture. 

They had been training for thirty or so minutes when his eyes darted to the doorway and a grin broke through. “Ready to go?”

Nesta stood in the doorway, arms crossed, she simply nodded her head once. It was all Cassian needed to drop his training stance. “I’ll leave you in good hands,” he said as Feyre stepped in. 

Ariela felt her stomach drop. For a moment, she had let herself forget about his lover. Cassian was supposed to be for her, the mate bond deemed it so, but It seemed like Nesta had long claimed Cassian hers. If Ariela was supposed to be his, but he did not want her, who was she supposed to belong to now? 

“Let’s get back into it,” said Feyre.

Ariela nodded, her heart clenching in dispair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> I’m updating so soon but don’t expect this every week, it’s only because it’s a new story. I’ll try to post every weekend, but if there are delays with my Azriel/oc story there might be delays on this one as well since they are connected and this story takes place a few years after Bond of Shadows. (Someone in the comments asked if they are connected so here’s your answer!)


	3. Windhaven Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian invites Ariela to Windhaven to train, it ends up being a complete disaster.

Ariela had been training for a month now. It was not always with Feyre, she was the High Lady after all. The Illyrian female would often train on her own. She had gained some weight and she was building her muscles. Cassian had dropped by to train with her one unexpected day and he had invited her to Windhaven today. He wanted her to train with the other female Illyrians in Windhaven. Ariela was nervous. She had worn the training clothes that he had supplied, saying she was not ready for the full Illyrian leather gear. Not wearing the leathers had slightly calmed her nerves. As much as she dreamed to be worthy of them, walking into the war camp in full Illyrian leathers would cause a riot because she was not properly trained yet. 

When they arrived at Windhaven the males were training but the females wouldn’t start until later. They had to finish their chores first. Windhaven was the most compliant Illyrian war camp. Her father always used the excuse that no females in his camp wanted to train. They were all too scared to even consider it. 

Ariela had once tried picking up a weapon and she had paid for her impudence. Her brothers had lined a table out in the garden with weapons. Ariela had felt drawn to the bow. She had been around eleven and she just wanted to know how it felt to hold it. 

Killian had held her arms so her hands were over the table and Duncan had brought the bow down hard on her forearm five times. She never went near their weapons again.

Cassian led her to the house where he had taken her before when he saved her from her brothers. “Is this your house?” She asked

Cassian shook his head. “It was Rhysand’s mother’s.”

Ariela’s eyes widened. She looked around the place, taking it in. It was small and modest but well taken care of. 

“It must be nothing compared to your father’s house,” he said, “but she raised us here and she did a hell of a good job raising three bastards.”

Ariela started the stove to make some tea. “Yes, it sounds like it can’t compare to my father’s house. It sounds like this was a real home. I grew up in a house with a mother that didn’t bother with me, a father that terrified me, and two older brothers that seemed to always be looking for an excuse to have me punished.”

There were faint silver scars under her forearms from her punishments. Killian and Duncan were always in charge of punishing her. They’d find faults on everything she did. When she was thirteen she used to sneak out at night to fly. One night when she left the house Killian and Duncan were waiting for her. When they finished punishing her she was bleeding and shaking. 

Her father had discovered them when they were hauling her inside. He had looked at her with hard cold eyes and walked away with a shake of his head. Her mother had told the maid to get a healer, not because she cared that she was in pain but because she didn’t want her to scar badly and be rejected by possible husbands in the future. 

Cassian cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Ariela shrugged it off and poured two cups of tea. “So you grew up with Azriel?”

Cassian took the cup of tea from her. “Yes, that bastard is my brother. We used to fight all the time at first, but the three of us got each other’s back. Azriel is my brother and I’d kill for him if necessary.”

Ariela smiled faintly. Fate had tied them all together. Three Illyrian bastards had found each other in Windhaven and had grown up as brothers, becoming the most powerful Illyrians warriors in history. One grew to become High Lord, the other became the general of the Night Court’s forces, and another became a spymaster. 

The same fate had brought Ariela to Windhaven, looking for mercy and for a way to contact her brother, the spymaster. But she had found the General, her mate. It was meant to be, one way or another. She had been destined to find her mate and her brother because seeking one meant finding them both. 

But perhaps fate had brought her to them at the wrong time. Cassian seemed to only have eyes for Nesta, ignoring the mate bond that tied him to Ariela. Azriel didn’t seem ready to consider her family and preferred to avoid her. 

“I considered running away several times when I was younger,” she said. “But I was afraid I’d end up dead—or worse yet, that they would find me and drag me back to that house.”

“You came at the right time,” he said. 

_ Then why won’t you accept me _ ? she thought. 

Cassian placed the cup on the table and patted her head gently. “I have to go out, stay here until I come get you.”

Ariela stayed right where she stood, her heart fluttering at the small touch. 

…

When Cassian returned, he was not alone. Nesta wore Illyrian leathers and her hair was up in an elegant bun. Ariela followed behind them, feeling like nothing next to Nesta. She had felt so grateful for the way fate had tied her to Cassian and Azriel, but she was starting to believe they were tangled together in the most messy way possible. If she had come years earlier before her mate met Nesta, Ariela would’ve been too young—a child Cassian would never consider a mate. Besides, it would’ve been impossible anyway. Before Feyre defeated Amarantha, the Illyrian camps had been out of control. 

Windhaven had remained the least out of order, but Ariela had never taken the risk of running away to Windhaven because she didn’t think Lord Devlon would help her. The other time she had considered running away had been when the High Lord and his Inner Circle returned. But war against Hybern broke out and while it had been a somehow good opportunity to slip away without her brothers and father noticing right away, she was scared of arriving at Windhaven and not finding anyone willing to help. 

Perhaps if she had been brave enough then Cassian would’ve never gotten with Nesta. Ariela would’ve still been too young but the mate bond would likely have manifested when she was old enough. The possibility was far fetched. She could have found no one at Windhaven willing to help her. As the General, Cassian had been busy preparing to fight. Ariela could’ve found herself shunned by everyone and died in the cold mountains. 

They arrived at a group of seven females, all young, some younger than her and some were likely a year or two older than Ariela. 

“This is Ariela,” said Cassian. “She’ll be joining us today.”

It was all the introduction before he ordered them to start warming up. It was for the best, it was not a good thing to stand out in an Illyrian war camp. Besides, Cassian did not need to say more for them to know who she was. The rumors of her must have spread because they kept glancing at her, their eyes full of incredulity. 

After the warm up, Cassian had them pair up. As expected, no one wanted to be paired with her but one of them had to put up with it. 

“I’m Ariela,” she tried. 

The other female looked at her with dislike. “I know.”

“Right,” Ariela tried to smile. “What’s your name?”

“We were paired up for the exercise, not to have a chat,” she scoffed.

At least she had tried. For the exercise, they were supposed to take turns in defense and offense. Ariela took the role of offense first, throwing attacks at her partner, all which she blocked easily. 

“Are you holding back or are you just weak?” The female snapped as she blocked another attack. 

Ariela was not throwing all her strength into her attacks, but it was just an exercise, she didn’t think she was supposed to. She ignored the other female and kept attacking her until they were given a brief break. 

When they resumed, Ariela was in the receiving end. She took the defensive stand as Feyre and Cassian taught her. The female’s physical attacks were easy to block, but her tongue was sharper. 

“You are a spoiled brat that cried for everyone’s attention,” she spat. “You made a scene in another camp and got what you wanted. You kept your wings. And now you show up with Cassian all high and mighty, holding back your punches like I’m not worth your time.”

It became very obvious that the female had been holding back when she moved quickly and punched Ariela straight in the face. Ariela saw red and for a moment she thought she had cut her eyebrow and there was blood on her eyes. But as her opponent tried to land another hit, Ariela caught her fist as a wave of power surged from inside her. The female cried out and Ariela let go immediately.

All the other females turned on her, attacking her from all sides. Cassian yelled at them to stop, but they didn’t listen. Ariela let them hit her. She understood why they were mad, she could see the scars on their wings. They couldn’t fly. Ariela would’ve been furious too. 

There were kicks and scratches and punches. Ariela could taste blood in her mouth. 

“Ariela at least lift up your hands!” Cassian growled. “Protect your face!”

She obeyed, because it was him asking her to at least set a wall of defense. But as she lifted her arms up in front of her, she felt another wave of power go through her body. She felt hot and her vision went red and then all the females around them were knocked off their feet.

Cassian reached her first. He grabbed her before she fell. “My head hurts,” she told him and fell unconscious.

  
  


When Ariela woke up she had a cold compress on her forehead but there was no one there in the room with her. She got up and followed the voices down the stairs. It was Cassian and Devlon arguing. 

“She cannot receive siphons,” Lord Devlon was saying. 

“She needs them,” Cassian snapped. “Ariela can’t focus that power without them.”

“She’s a female,” Devlon argued. “She will not be given siphons.” 

Ariela sat down at the stairs and heard them argue. She heard someone come down behind her, she didn’t have to look back to know who it was. Nesta stayed in the step above her and spoke. “They’re both hardheaded, we’ll see who wins this one.”

“Lord Devlon will,” she whispered. “It’s not just him. No female has ever received siphons. If they were to give me one, all the males would be outraged.”

“Let them be outraged,” said Nesta. “Don’t put their pride over you.”

…

In the end Cassian took her back to Velaris. He did not mention his argument with Lord Devlon, likely because he knew the camp lord would not give in. The argument had ended with Devlon firmly refusing and walking out. Ariela had sneaked up the stairs before Cassian could notice her. 

When they left the camp, the males gave her looks of disdain. The rumors must have spread fast because their threatening looks carried more weight than they did when she arrived. 

When they arrived at the House of Wind, Cassian said nothing, but she could tell he was disappointed. “I suppose I should stay away from Windhaven now.”

Cassian sighed. “For now, yes. But we can try again in a few months.”

Ariela nodded, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to go back. 

…

A few days later, the Inner Circle met at the House of Wind. They were discussing business while drinking. Ariela wasn’t sure she understood completely but they needed to negotiate with the Autumn Court but Rhysand didn’t trust anyone to go. Ariela was entirely confused until she caught on that the reason he didn’t trust them to go was because everyone hated the High Lord of the Autumn Court and could not stand the sight of him without trying to kill him. 

It sounded like the person who usually dealt with him was unavailable and Feyre and the High Lord himself were busy with other matters. Rhysand was considering pushing back the negotiation, but apparently it was necessary and could not wait until the person who usually dealt with the High Lord of the Autumn Court returned. 

“I’ll go,” Azriel volunteered for the second time.

Rhysand shook his head. “No.”

“I’ll go instead,” said Cassian. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“I wish I could believe that,” Rhysand sighed.

Ariela had been quiet the entire time, she had been quiet for days, ever since her disastrous visit to Windhaven. But now she was starting to consider that she might be useful in another way that could make up for her failure at the camp. 

“I could go,” Ariela blurted. Everyone stopped and looked at her, making her flush. “As I understand you need him to review some documents and sign them? I could take them to him.”

“Absolutely not,” said Azriel. 

“Eris is a sick bastard,” Morrigan told her. “You are barely learning how to defend yourself, you wouldn’t be safe going alone.”

“She doesn’t have to go alone,” said Rhysand thoughtfully. “Ariela can go with Cassian and be a buffer between the two so they don’t kill each other.”

Everyone voiced their opinions and concerns, but at the end it was decided that Ariela would go to the Autumn Court with Cassian. Later in the day, Ariela found the perfect time to ask the High Lady why they hated Eris so much. They were alone, Feyre had gone to fetch water and she had followed her quietly. 

“It’s a long story,” she said. “It’s not for me to tell. But I will tell you enough to give you an idea. You need to be aware of it if you’re going to his court.”

And so, she told her about Eris, who had tried to buy Morrigan as a wife and then turned a blind eye when she was hurt badly. Eris was cruel like his father had been and they all hated him for what he had done to Morrigan. 

“I should say that I don’t really think he is as cruel as Beron was,” the High Lady said. “Beron used to leave bruises on his wife and one day Eris snapped and killed him, setting his mother free from that living hell.”

Ariela had unknowingly volunteered to walk into the hands of a cruel High Lord, whose only good deed seemed to have been murdering his own father. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> Ariela just wants to be acknowledged and useful but she just volunteered to walk into the hands of a calculating High Lord. 
> 
> Before y’all yell at me, I am working on the next chapter for Bond of Shadows, I just didn’t have time to write all week and this chapter was written weeks ago.


	4. Don’t Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela and Cassian’s visit to the Autumn Court does not go as planned. Cassian leaves her alone with the High Lord, who seems to have a twisted interest on her.

The Autumn Court was beautiful, a forest of reds, oranges, golds and maroons. For a moment, she seemed to forget what she was nervous about. Even when they entered Forest House, the residence was so detailed and beautiful that she was more worried about missing a detail in the beauty of it than what was to come. But then, they were taken to the High Lord of the Autumn Court. He sat at a maple throne chair carved with scenes of the forest, his hair was auburn red and his eyes amber. He was handsome, but he gave off an air of arrogance and cruelty. 

He was looking at Cassian with contempt, which Cassian did a poor job at not returning as he had promised. Ariela was supposed to be a buffer and though they had not exchanged any words, she felt like she had already failed. Eris turned his gaze from the Illyrian general to her, assessing her with little interest. His eyes lingered a little longer on her wings and he turned back to staring down Cassian.

“He sent  _ you _ ?” Eris questioned with incredulity. 

Cassian clenched his jaw. “Did you have someone else in mind?”

“Certainly not you,” said the High Lord. “Rhysand should’ve known better.”

The veins in Cassian’s neck were popping. “If you sign the proposal I’ll be out of your court in seconds.”

Cassian handed the documents to one of the aids, who grabbed them and took them up to the High Lord. Eris held up a hand at the aid, halting his steps. He looked at Cassian with uninterest. “I am not signing anything.”

Cassian was about to snap, but Ariela placed her hand on his forearm and that seemed enough to defuse his temper. The High Lord’s amber eyes turned to her, expectantly.

“We should discuss this over tea,” Ariela helplessly suggested.

Eris stared at her for a moment. “Tea?” He considered the idea, then called the servants to serve tea. He rose from his throne and took the documents from the awaiting aide. 

They followed Eris to a balcony with a square wooden table and carved wooden chairs. The servants already had the steaming tea ready. 

Ariela felt the heavy tension as they sat down, Cassian looked like he wanted to flip the table over but he relaxed when Ariela placed her hand on his wrist and squeezed slightly. The immediate calming reaction her touch seemed to have on Cassian sparked a flicker of hope in Ariela. It was another sign that the bond was real and not an imagination as she was starting to think.

“You suggested tea,” said Eris, “but you did not even introduce yourself.”

Ariela swallowed. “My name is Ariela.” 

“Pleasure to meet you, Ariela,” said the High Lord before taking a sip of tea. 

The female kept her gaze low. “Will you at least look at the proposal before rejecting it?” Cassian asked, his voice controlled. Ariela’s hand was still around his wrist.

“I will not look at anything you bring me,” said Eris.

Cassian’s skin burned hot with anger. Ariela tightened her grip around his wrist. A wind blew over them, flickering orange leaves on the table. A folded paper fell over Cassian’s lap. He pulled his wrist free from her grip and snatched it. The Illyrian bolted from the chair and walked back inside. 

Eris arched an eyebrow, clearly displeased by the display. “Males like him have no manners.”

Ariela gritted her teeth. “I will speak to him.”

She excused herself and rushed past the doorway to find Cassian. He was easy to find, standing in another balcony, his wings stretched behind his broad back. He was reading the paper that had dropped in his lap. She did not know where it had come from, had it been the wind? Or had it manifested from nothing at all?

“Cassian,” she called from the doorway. 

He folded the paper and turned to her. “It’s Nesta, I have to go.”

“But we must convince Eris—“

“Didn’t you hear him?” He scoffed. “He won’t even look at the proposal.”

“Maybe—“

He shook his head, cutting her off. “I don’t have time for his games. Nesta needs me.”

The last words crushed that flicker of hope that had ignited inside her. 

“I have to go. Leave the documents to him,” he instructed. “Tell him we’re taking our leave and fly back to the Night Court.”

With those last orders he left, flying off back to the Night Court to his lover, leaving Ariela alone in the Autumn Court. What had she thought? That a few touches meant there was still hope for them? That he would choose her over Nesta?

She felt tears form in her eyes, but she blinked them away and gave herself a minute before returning to the High Lord of the Autumn Court.

Ariela tried not to look so vulnerable as she took her seat, not looking at the High Lord as she spoke. “Something that required Cassian’s attention came up, he had to leave. I shall depart as well, but I wanted to ask you to reconsider. At least look at the documents, Lord Eris.”

The tea cup Eris has been holding clicked as he set it down. “What could’ve possibly been so urgent for the Illyrian to leave so suddenly and leave his companion behind?”

Ariela stiffened. “I can get back on my own.”

Eris hummed. “Or you could stay a little longer,” he suggested. “I only refused to go over the documents because he was present. We have never been on good terms, I don’t know why Rhysand sent him.”

“Is there anyone in the Night Court you're on good terms with?” She muttered.

Eris laughed and Ariela cursed her loose lips. The High Lord rose from his chair. The female tensed as he approached her, he pulled the chair next to her and turned it at an angle so he could look at her.

“Does the Illyrians General know you’re in love with him?” The question hit Ariela like a splash of cold water. 

“I don’t know what you mean—“

“Of course not, how can a beautiful female like you set eyes on a bastard—“

“Do not speak of him in that way,” Ariela snapped.

Eris laughed. “He doesn’t know does he? He is too busy looking at the sister—what was her—Nesta! He follows her like a dog, doesn’t he?”

Ariela clenched her jaw so hard her teeth hurt. She reached over the table to grab the documents but the High Lord grabbed her wrist. “I’ll look over them if you stay a little longer.”

“Why?” She finally looked into his eyes. 

They were amber, fire seemed to be burning inside his gaze. The High Lord looked at her and smirked. “Because you are good company.”

Ariela felt like she was being tricked, but if there was a possibility that he would sign the documents she had to take the risk. Cassian had told her to leave after telling Eris to reconsider. But if she returned with the signed documents perhaps he would see there was more to her. 

“My tea is cold,” she commented, giving in.

Eris’s smirk widened. He reached for her cup and the tea started steaming. “The Illyrian, Cassian, he has changed—hasn’t he? He detests me and does not trust me one bit. I cannot fathom what would possess him to leave such a pretty little bird with me.”

“I can handle myself,” she said, but her voice cracked.

The inner circle hated Eris' guts, they would’ve never left some like Elain alone with him. Ariela could fight, enough to run away from danger but even then she felt a little sick. Morrigan was way better in a fight than she was and she knew they would never leave her alone with the High Lord of the Autumn Court. But she couldn’t compare herself to Morrigan, there was history there.  _ Cassian would never leave Nesta alone with him _ . Ariela blinked away her watery eyes and pulled her wrist free from his grip, when had he even placed his hand there? 

“How can he not see you when you are such a lovely thing to look at,” he whispered, his knuckles caressing her jaw. “Oh,” he frowned. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry for him, little bird.”

Ariela pulled back from his touch, her tears spilling down her cheeks. So much for not looking vulnerable. How did he see through her so clearly? No one in the Night Court seemed to realize she was in love with Cassian. No one seemed to suspect that fate had tied them together. Yet, the High Lord of the Autumn Court had seen right through her and they had just met.

“If lovely eyes like yours longed for me the way they long for him, I would’ve long returned the gaze,” he whispered, leaning closer. 

He wiped her tears away with his thumb ever so gently. Ariela knew she should’ve bolted from the chair and left the Autumn Court then. But the High Lord was so close, their noses rubbing. He smelled of burnt wood and cinnamon. A small gasp left her lips when he brought his lips down on hers. He kissed her gently, slowly. Ariela pressed her palm to his chest to push him away but he grabbed her hand with his and licked her tears away before taking her lips again. 

Ariela let him kiss her until they were out of breath. When he trailed kisses down her throat, she was panting. “I can’t,” she said breathlessly, pushing at his shoulder. More tears spilled down her cheeks. “Cassian—“

“He doesn’t care about you,” said Eris. “He wouldn’t have left you if he did.”

Ariela choked back a sob. “He’s my mate.”

The High Lord stopped then. She could feel his breath against her chest. He pulled back slightly and looked at her with pity. “How he must have hurt you. Being rejected by your mate must hurt immensely.”

Ariela flinched. 

Eris cupped her cheeks with her palms. “I can cherish you. I will make you feel wanted. I will make you feel so good, you’ll forget about the hole in your chest.”

Ariela did not push him away when he kissed her again and she did not protest when he lifted her up and carried her through the corridors and stairs until they reached a large room with an enormous bed with dark brown pelts that were so soft under her as he lowered her down. 

…

Ariela woke up warm and comfortable in thick pelts. She was nestled against Eris, who was wide awake, tracing circles on her shoulders. His eyes followed her wings as she stretched and then laughed when she jumped up, startled by the moonlight streaming through the window. 

“I—I need to go—“

Eris shushed her, tracing her lower lip with his thumb. “Can you winnow to the Night Court?”

Ariela blushed. “No,” her lips brushed Eris fingers as she spoke. “But I can fly.”

Eris shook his head. “There is no need for you to fly in the dark. Stay the night and go back tomorrow morning.”

“They’ll wonder why I didn’t return,” she said weakly. Eris had started kissing down her throat and she didn’t dare move.

“Will they?” He questioned. “Will they realize you aren’t back?”

Her heart dropped. Would they? Probably not. No one would realize she hadn’t returned. When she did not respond, Eris took her silence as an answer and gently pushed down the bed, kissing her neck and chest. Ariela let him do as he wished, there was no going back. She had let him before, betrayed her feelings for Cassian just because she felt heartbroken that he had left her behind to see Nesta. Eris was the first male to touch her in such ways, how could she face Cassian? 

“You said you will read the documents,” she blurted. Ariela needed to focus on something else that was not her betrayal to her feelings for her mate.

Eris sighed and pulled away. He left the bed and went to the desk in the corner of the room. He grabbed the documents and walked back to the bed. The High Lord handed them to her. “Read them to me.”

“What—me, read them?” She stammered in confusion.

“You have a sweet voice,” he smirked. “Read them to me.”

He slowly peeled away the blankets from her body, tutting when she tried to cover herself. 

“Read them while I make you feel good,” he said, trailing kissed down her chest. 

Ariela felt her body reacting, her skin flushing and a small feeling of desire pooling between her legs as he licked her breasts. She swallowed her shame and began to read.

  
  
  


Ariela woke up warm again, the bed was so plush and soft and the cackling of the fire almost lulled her back to sleep. But she forced her eyes open and glanced around the room. Eris was dressed, sitting on the desk, going over the documents Rhysand had sent. She sat up slowly, watching him make notes and sip his tea. 

“There’s breakfast,” he motioned over to the tray set next to the files. 

She got up from the bed, let legs a little shaky, but her wings helped her balance. She was wearing a gold sleep dress he had given her last night after he had made love to her again. He had cut it low at the back so she could fit it around her wings. Ariela went for the other chair, but the High Lord made his intentions clear, pushing back his chair and patting his thigh.

Ariela felt herself blush as she went to him, he pulled her down to his lap, sitting her sideways so her wings wouldn’t get in the way. He took in her scent and pressed kisses to her throat as his fingers caressed her thigh. 

“Did you sign it?” She whispered her question.

“I made notes on what I agree with, and on what needs to be changed,” he said in between kisses. “Rhysand never expected me to agree with all of it. In fact, I am being rather generous agreeing with most of it. You’ll go back with my notes and he will make a new document. I want you to bring it to me alone, not with Cassian.” She felt shame brush through her at the mention of his name. “Come alone and I will sign it.”

“What if they don’t let me come alone?”

“I won’t sign until you come alone,” he said.

Ariela was young but she was not innocent anymore. She knew what he wanted from her to sign, the reason he wanted her to come alone. But she had done it once, twice. A third time wouldn’t take much of her. It was what she was now. 

“In fact,” Eris hummed, “I want you to serve as my communication with the Night Court. Whenever they want to discuss something with me, tell them to send you and only you.”

“I am no one at the Night Court,” she mumbled. “They only sent me by chance because I wanted to be useful and they knew it would go horribly if it was just Cassian and you.”

Eris snorted. “It would have, but you were here. You made me reconsider and you’ll make me sign. Perhaps they will give you a permanent position after they see how good you are at negotiating with High Lords.”

“What will I even tell them,” she paused, imagining the looks of disgust and disappointment, “if they ask how I convinced you?”

“Tell then you read them to me,” he said, a sly smile on his lips. “You have such a beautiful voice, I am sure they’ll understand.”

...

Ariela flew up to the House of Wind. Eris had not let her go until she had breakfasts with him. She was wearing the same leathers from the previous day. She wondered if they’d notice as she found Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel and Feyre in the sitting room. 

“Ariela,” Rhysand addressed her. 

Feyre looked up and frowned at her clothes. “Did you go somewhere?”

Ariela crossed the room, not meeting Azriel or Cassian’s gaze. She handed over the documents to Rhysand. “Why didn’t you come to dinner last night?”

“I was at the Autumn Court,” she stated. Of course they had not even questioned her whereabouts. 

“What?” Cassian stared at her. “I told you to come back—why did you stay?”

Ariela did not return his gaze. She kept her eyes on Rhysand. “Eris said he would reconsider if I stayed. He did.”

Rhysand looked at her incredulously and looked over the documents, finding the notes made by the High Lord of the Autumn Court. “He is agreeing to most of it—more than I thought he would agree to.”

Cassian was staring at her in disbelief. “He wouldn’t even look at the papers.”

Ariela shrugged. “He said he dislikes you so he wouldn’t look at anything you bring to him.” She looked at Rhysand again. “Eris asked that once the changes he requested are made, you have the new documents sent to him with me. He will sign them.”

Rhysand arched his eyebrows. Azriel was first to voice his disapproval. “Absolutely not. Eris cannot be trusted. You shouldn’t have stayed behind to begin with—“

“I told you to leave,” Cassian interjected, coming at Azriel’s side. “Eris is a sick and twisted son of—“

“You don’t have to pretend to be worried,” Ariela interrupted him. “Eris was very pleasant the moment you left. He said you hate his guts and don’t trust him, that I probably wasn’t important if you had left me behind. I think that’s why he decided to go over the documents, because I am no one.”

Cassian frowned. “If I had known you stayed back—“

“I don’t care,” she lied. Ariela felt like she was dying inside. She turned to Rhysand. “Send me alone next time.”

Rhysand seemed to be considering it. Feyre did not look convinced. “Ariela, Eris can’t be fully trusted. It’s not safe to send you alone.”

“I know the Night Court and the Autumn Court don’t have the best relationship,” said Ariela. “If I can help with this, I want to do it. Isn’t it better to send me and avoid all the tension and unnecessary disagreements?”

Rhysand stared at her for a moment, not paying attention to the general and spymaster as they voiced their disapproval. Ariela tried to hold herself together, but she was praying to the cauldron that the High Lord did not look into her mind. She would die of shame if he saw what she did.

The High Lord simply nodded his head. “I will send you alone, but you must keep training. Azriel, supervise her training.”

Ariela relaxed in relief, the High Lord had not looked inside her head. 

“I can supervise her training,” Cassian interjected, Ariela’s relief short-lived.

She knew it was all in her head, but she felt like if she spent too much time with Cassian, he would smell the betrayal on her. Ariela rushed to come out with a concerte protest, but to her surprise, it was Azriel who rejected Cassian’s offer.

“No,” he said, voice smooth like shadows. His hazel eyes trained on Cassian. “I’ll do it.”

Cassian arched his eyebrows. “I can train her. I’ll make sure she’s good enough to put a fight if Eris tries something—“

“You left her alone with him,” he reminded him, his voice dark and cold. 

Cassian swallowed thickly. “I told her to leave right away—“

“You should’ve left together,” Azriel snapped. “What if she hadn’t come back?”

Cassian looked guilty, Rhysand stayed out of it.

Ariela watched them argue, feeling guilty and ashamed. She was sure that if they knew she had slept with Eris, they would find that worse than Eris killing her. 

She did not want them to fight because of her, not when she felt like she had betrayed them, so she forced herself to speak up. “You don’t have to train me. I’ll do it myself.” She looked at the High Lord. “I’ve learned enough to train on my own. Cassian had more important things and people to attend to and Azriel doesn’t like being around me.”

Rhysand sighed. “I will not assign anyone to train you. If they wish to do so, that’s on them.”

Ariela bowed to Rhysand and Feyre. “If you don’t mind, I will retire to my room now.”

She walked away without looking at her brother or her mate, her shame was too great and she felt like her body was unclean. She needed to soak in the bath and scrub until she couldn’t feel Eris’s touches on her skin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> There will be more smut in later chapters where the smut will actually be written. But since her first time with Eris is dubious consent, I didn’t want to write it in detail. 
> 
> Also don’t ask me how Nesta got that note to Cassian cause I don’t know. They don’t have phones so I had to come up with something 😭😅


	5. Owned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela returns to the Autumn Court with the documents Eris must sign.

Feyre had given her a short blade to take with her to the Autumn Court. It was a gift for her to carry for now on. Ariela had felt honored to receive the weapon from her High Lady and had thanked her immensely. Rhysand had given her a sealed envelope, the documents Eris must sign. Azriel had seen her out to the balcony, though he looked everywhere but her eyes. He had not attended her training sessions as he had said he would. She had told him she didn't need him there, that she could train on her own. But she had secretly wished he would show, like he had insisted he would. 

Feyre had seen through her and had tried to excuse him, saying something had come up that required him to be away for a few days. Ariela had not asked for an explanation, not wanting to know if the High Lady was just covering for him. Even if something had actually happened that kept him away, she doubted they’d tell her what it was. She was not a part of their Inner Circle. 

Perhaps if she pulled this off alone, they’d start to trust her more and give her more tasks.

“If something happens, we’ll be ready to assist you—“

“I doubt that’ll be necessary,” she said.

“You don’t know that,” he insisted. “Eris cannot be trusted.”

Ariela nodded. “Can I trust you to come to me if I need you? It seems you’re always trying to avoid me.”

Azriel finally looked at her in the eye, then he stared down as if ashamed. “I’ll come to you when you need me.”

Ariela felt a flicker of warmth in her chest, but she regretted asking as it dawned on her the possibility of him following in the shadows. “Thank you. For now, please let me do this on my own. I want to be useful in some way and if that is by dealing with an arrogant High Lord, then so it be.”

Azriel sighed, shadows clinging to his shoulder. “Be careful.”

“I will.”

Feeling a little more at ease, Ariela flew to the Autumn Court. The wind helped her cool down, but as she got closer to the Autumn Court, she started growing anxious of what would happen once she was face to face with the High Lord. 

…

Eris bent her over the desk, her breasts pressed against the wood as he pressed himself against her from behind. His hands came to her hips and his lips brushed against the back of her neck, Ariela shivered at the touch, her whole spine tensing. Eris pressed a kiss to her neck, and whispered. “Relax.”

The Illyrian tried to but when she tried to take a deep breath, Eris entered her. Ariela’s wings twitched, her breath hitched and her hands gripped the desk tightly. 

“So tight,” Eris groaned, gripping her hips firmly and pressed his forehead against the back of her neck. “You have to relax a little,” he whispered. “I want to make it good for you, pretty bird.”

Ariela nodded, she took a deep breath, relaxing her body the best she could. 

“Just like that,” Eris praised. 

He kept a hand on her hip and caressed up her body with the other, brushing her stomach and finding her breast. The High Lord pressed himself tightly against her, then pulled out slightly only to thrust back into her. 

Ariela gripped the desk tightly as he thrust in and out of her. On the corner of the desk lay the documents from the Night Court, with Rhysand’s seal on the envelope. The Illyrian closed her eyes in shame. Eris pulled back, still sheathed inside her. He pulled her hips back slightly and continued to thrust into her. The new angle dragged out a moan from Ariela, whose skin was flushed in shame and pleasure.

The Illyrian bit down on her bottom lip, trying to drown down any noise. She was supposed to serve her High Lord, but she doubted he would approve of her behavior. There she was, serving another high lord in such a shameful way. Though it was too late to take back her mistakes, she couldn’t overcome the shame. It was all too late. She had betrayed her mate, her brother, and her High Lord. 

“Don’t hold back,” Eris nipped at her neck. “I want to hear you.”

And just like that, she moaned for him. The High Lord of the Autumn Court owned her in ways she would never break free of. She wished she had been strong enough to withstand Cassian’s rejection without breaking apart. But she had been weak and naive, falling so easily into Eris‘s hands. 

There was no going back now. She had betrayed her feelings but that didn’t need to matter anymore. Her feelings for Cassian hurt. The bond hurt her like a stab to the chest every time she saw him with Nesta. Ariela was nothing compared to the High Lady’s sister. If the High Lord of the Autumn Court hadn’t been interested in her, Ariela would still be standing on the sidelines, quietly watching her mate.She was still scared of Eris, but he knew how to make her feel good, he knew her body better than she did. If the mate bond had tied her to a male that didn’t want her, then she would be useful and give herself over to males who wanted her to get what she needed. 

Ariela needed to be useful to Rhysand, to earn a spot in his court. If Eris wanted her body in exchange for signing agreements with the Night Court, then she’d give it to him. 

A sharp thrust brought Ariela back to the sensations Eris was making her feel. He caressed her wing and grazed his teeth over her neck, making her moan loudly. The Illyrian pushed away her thoughts plagued by her mate. She focused on how good it felt when Eris touched her, how deep he reached her inside, how he caressed her body and remembered the spots that made her toes curl. 

“Eris,” she panted, coming undone, wings twitching, toes curling.

The male lifted her up, still deep inside her, and sat down on the arm chair, his arms wrapped around her tightly as the aftershocks of her release flowed through her. 

“That was too soon,” he chuckled. “I am not even halfway done.” 

He pulled out of her as her body went boneless and carefully flipped her over so that she was facing him. She breathlessly fell against him, her bare body over his still mostly clothed one. He was warm and her body was too hot, but she wanted to burn with the heat and found herself unbuttoning his shirt to feel his bare skin against her own. 

The High Lord held her chin firmly. Ariela felt a spike of fear jolt through her body, his amber eyes could see through her, he knew what she was looking for. Ariela gasped when he kissed her in response. The kiss was possessive and controlling, she couldn’t push away the fear. As if he could smell it on her, he chuckled. “Are you cold?”

He lifted her up and grabbed something from the desk. The High Lord carried her to his bed and laid her down gently. He dropped the envelope next to her, she turned away from it. He chuckled again, staring down at her as he removed his clothes. 

“Break the seal,” he ordered her.

Ariela stared up at him. “But—“

“Break the seal and open it.”

The order was clear and she didn’t dare argue. She tore the seal and pulled out the documents, awaiting his next order.

“Read it to me.”

The Illyrian almost dropped the documents when he entered her again. He gripped her hips and started to thrust in and out of her.

Ariela gasped, closing her eyes. Eris grunted, lifting her hips slightly to reach deeper inside her. “Pretty bird, I told you to read it to me.”

The Illyrian opened her eyes and held the documents up. She began to read, interrupted by sudden gasps and moans as Eris continued to fuck her. He insisted she kept reading, only allowing a few pauses when she called out his name. 

By the time she was done reading, she had come twice and Eris had spilled over her stomach once. He laid next to her and took the documents from her. “Shall I sign them?”

“You said you would—“

“Shh,” he kissed her. 

“Will you sign it?” She asked, her lips brushing his as she spoke.

The High Lord sighed and kissed her before getting up, documents in hand. His hair had come undone and he tucked the long strand behind his ear as he grabbed the pen on his desk. He unceremoniously signed the documents, as if there were nothing important.

“Aren’t you going to read them?” She asked, but he had already signed them and dropped the pen.

The High Lord returned to her, laying down next to her. “Didn’t you read them to me?”

“Yes but shouldn’t you—“

“That’s enough for me,” he said simply, waving the matter away. 

He used the bedsheets to wipe her stomach and started tracing his fingers over her body. He pressed a kiss to her collarbone and moved down to suck on her breast. Ariela’s fingers found their way to his hair, her lips parted in a soft gasp.

“You’re so sensitive,” he chuckled, then continued to lick her breast.

Ariela could feel heat begin to coil at the pit of her stomach. Her body reacted to the High Lord’s touches on its own. Eris hummed around her breast, sending the vibrations through her skin. 

“As much as I want to go for another round, I don’t think it’s wise to keep you for long,” he said rather grumpily. “I assume they’re awaiting your timely return with swords ready in case you don’t arrive at the Night Court in a few hours.”

Ariela nodded. “Azriel didn’t want me to come alone.”

Eris arched his eyebrows. “Azriel? Not Cassian. Why is the shadowsinger more invested in your safety than your mate?”

Ariela turned away. “Cassian didn’t like it either,” she said. But it was because he distrusted Eris, not because he cared about her. “And I am not sure about Azriel. He is my brother, perhaps he does worry a little after all.”

Eris had been trailing his finger down her spine, but stopped halfway at her last words. “Azriel is your brother?”

“Half,” she corrected. “He is my half brother. But he didn’t even know about me until recently.”

“I see,” Eris whispered before pressing a kiss to the back of her neck, resuming the caressing of her spine. “How about we take a bath together and you tell me more about yourself?”

“Why do you want to know more about me?” She questioned.

The High Lord chuckled. He breathed her in and pressed his face against the crook of her neck. “Because I am taken by you,” he declared. “You’re exquisite and divine.”

Ariela flushed deep red. “What are you saying,” she sputtered.

“The truth,” she murmured against her skin. “The more I have you, the more I want you.”

The Illyrian didn’t know how to respond, so she remained silent, her skin flushed in embarrassment until the High Lord kissed her and tugged her out of bed towards the bathroom. 

The tub was large, spacious enough for both of them. But Eris had her sit between his legs, her back pressed against him, her head resting on his chest. He didn’t seem to care about her wings getting in the way.

“I thought you wouldn’t return,” he suddenly said while they soaked in the warm water. “I thought they would scare you off with accusations about me.”

Ariela stared at their legs, her slender smooth legs compared to his muscled longer ones. Her gaze shifted to his palm, which was resting on her thigh so casually. His fingers long and slender, but thicker than hers. 

“They did tell me things about you,” she said carefully. “That you are cruel and that I shouldn’t trust you. But I’ve also heard how you became High Lord.”

“By killing my father,” he stated.

“But I heard why you did it,” she whispered softly. “You killed him to set your mother free.”

The hand at her thigh twitched and she felt him tense and draw in a deep breath. “He deserved it.” Eris gritted out. “I’d do it again.”

Ariela placed her hand on top of his and waited with her breath held. Eris relaxed and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. 

“Tell me more about you, pretty bird.”

“Why do you call me that?” She asked instead. “My wings are nothing like a bird’s.”

The High Lord chuckled. “Because you are pretty and small, you can fly like a little bird and your voice is like a song.”

Ariela blushed. Eris must have seen her flushed skin because he chuckled and kissed her reddened ear. 

…

Ariela returned to the Night Court with the documents signed and sealed with the Autumn Court’s seal. She had dressed and done her hair exactly like she had worn it when she departed to the Autumn Court. The Illyrian gave herself a minute to compose herself and push down her worries that they would discover what she had done. She pushed them down, but she could not completely erase them. When she flew up the House of Wind, they were all there.

She walked straight to the High Lord and offered the sealed envelope with a slight bow. “They are signed by the High Lord of the Autumn Court.”

“Why did it take so long?” Morrigan was first to speak. “All he had to do was sign them.”

“Did he try to refuse?” Azriel questioned. “Was he difficult to handle? Did he try something?”

“Was he a complete asshole?” Cassian added.

“Will you give her time to answer any of those questions?” Rhysand asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“Or will you keep on adding more?” Feyre finished. 

All three of them shut their mouths, they had been ready to keep firing more. Ariela suppressed the urge to wipe her sweaty palms on her clothes. “He was fine.” She swallowed. Before she left, Eris had told her to say as he instructed her. “He was busy when I arrived so one of the maids showed me around the gardens. Then when Eris was able to see me he said he had not eaten lunch yet. We had lunch and then he had me read the documents as we had tea—“

“He had you read them?” Morrigan interrupted. “Why?”

Ariela shrugged. “He asked me to read it all to him and then he signed them and told me to stay for dessert.”

“I don’t like this,” said Azriel. “Why would he demand you read it to him?”

“He said I’d make a good assistant,” she shrugged. “He complained all his aids have dull voices—but—he said I have a nice voice so he wanted me to read it. He said I could be his assistant or a—“

“A what?” Cassian questioned when she didn’t continue.

“An emissary between the Night Court and Autumn Court.” She rushed through her words. “He insists I be the one sent to the Autumn Court whenever Rhysand needs to send someone on his behalf to avoid unnecessary hostilities.”

“Absolutely not,” Azriel and Cassian declared in unison.

Ariela felt suddenly angry. It was too late for them to worry about her going to the Autumn Court alone. “What do you care if I go alone or not?” She glared at the Illyrians. “You didn’t care when you left me alone with him,” she aimed at Cassian. Then she turned to Azriel. “And  _ you _ , you said you’ll oversee my training but you never showed up so stop pretending you care.”

Both Illyrians were speechless at her outburst. She would likely regret it later, but not know. She turned to the High Lord and High Lady and bowed slightly. “If you don’t require my presence I’ll be in my bedroom.”

When she made it to her room and her door was locked, the Illyrian female bursted into tears. She was not sure why she was crying, but she didn’t stop until fell asleep sitting on the floor with her back pressed against the door. 

…

Ariela declined dinner at Feyre and Rhysand’s home. She ate alone in the House of Wind. She had enough reasons to stay away from them all. She still could not shake the feeling that she had betrayed the trust of her High Lord and High Lady, though what she did she did it to the benefit of the Night Court. She could not face Cassian because she had betrayed their bond and because he would be at Nesta’s side and it hurt to see them together. Seeing Azriel made her sad, for she had always wanted to meet him and find a real brother in him, but it seemed her presence still made him uncomfortable. 

She did not want to be around Morrigan, who hated Eris with such passion she was afraid she would draw out the truth from Ariela. She was also afraid of Amren, it felt like if she spent a little too long with her she would make her confess all her secrets. 

It was best to stay away from everyone. She did not belong with them anyway. Ariela didn’t belong anywhere, that was something she learned when Cassian rejected her and Azriel didn’t go see her at Windhaven. 

She hadn’t found a place where she could belong and call home. Not with her family, not with her brother, not with her mate. All she had was her gratefulness to Rhysand and Feyre and the sense of being owned by the High Lord of the Autumn Court. 

“But I have my flight,” she whispered to herself, tears running down her cheeks. She was perched on the roof, the cold wind brushing against her wings. “I’ll make that enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> If I was an English teacher I would have you analyze this part:
> 
> He was warm and her body was too hot, but she wanted to burn with the heat and found herself unbuttoning his shirt to feel his bare skin against her own. 
> 
> The High Lord held her chin firmly. Ariela felt a spike of fear jolt through her body, his amber eyes could see through her, he knew what she was looking for. Ariela gasped when he kissed her in response. The kiss was possessive and controlling, she couldn’t push away the fear. As if he could smell it on her, he chuckled. “Are you cold?”
> 
> We know Cassian is often described as flames or fire. Ariela described their mating bond as a ribbon lit by warm flames that tied them together. Ariela was looking for warmth in Eris, who is also flames and fire. Eris reads her like a book and knows she is looking for Cassian in him so he mocks her “are you cold?”


	6. A Little too Late

The next morning, when Ariela left her room to eat breakfast she was startled to find Rhysand waiting for her. She felt a pike of fear pierce through her at the thought that the High Lord knew everything. Perhaps he had seen into her mind and knew of her betrayal. Perhaps he had come to her alone to spare her the shame of revealing her betrayal in front of her mate and her brother. 

She held her breath and bowed to him, then stood straight but unable to meet his gaze. “Was there something wrong with the documents?”

Rhysand pulled out a chair for her. Ariela thanked him and sat down, her wings rigid against the wood of the chair. The High Lord sat across from her and reached for a slice of toast and butter. “You did a great job, everything is good.”

Ariela served herself some food, though her stomach properly couldn’t hold anything down at the moment. 

“I came to offer you a temporary position,” said the High Lord. “I have an emissary. She usually handles communication and issues with other courts. She’s the only one who can stand Eris, they have a cordial relationship. She also handles the Spring Court. The Night Court does not have any tension or issues with the other Courts, but when Feyre and I are not available, she would handle other courts as well.”

The High Lord paused to take a sip of tea. 

“She’s unavailable at the moment, dealing with something in the continent,” he explained. “Feyre and I would like you to fill some of her duties for now. I want you to handle communication with the Autumn Court and if need be, the Spring Court as well. I might request you to visit other courts to deliver messages or documents as well.” 

Ariela felt all things at once. She felt relieved that he had not come to uncover her betrayal and she felt useful and grateful for the opportunity. “I—thank you for giving me the chance to prove myself.”

“You don’t need to prove anything,” said Rhysand. 

“I want to be useful,” she said. “I want to repay you for saving my wings.”

Rhysand frowned. “You do not need to repay anyone. No one should’ve threatened your availability to fly to begin with. You should’ve lived in fear of coming to age and being clipped.” The High Lord sighed. “The job is temporary, but I cannot give you a set time of when my emissary will return. Even when she does, we will find you another fitting position. Cassian wants you to eventually help him in the war camps, training the females.”

Ariela jolted at the mention of Cassian and the thought of returning to the Illyrian camps. “I don’t think I am good enough to train others.”

Rhysand nodded. “You need to continue your training. I won’t be sending you back to the war camps anytime soon, but regardless of that you need to know how to fight. I don’t want to keep sending you to other courts if you can’t fight off an attack.” 

“I understand,” she nodded. 

The Illyrian doubted she needed to worry about Eris attacking her in that sense. She had already surrendered to him. But she knew the High Lord was right. She needed to be able to fight back if she was attacked while in another court. 

It was selfish of her, but she did not want to return to the Illyrian camps anytime soon. She would train to be able to defend herself and hold out against an attack enough to retreat to the Night Court, but she did not want to be good enough to be sent to the Illyrian camps to train other females.

She knew the looks she would receive in the war camps, how the males would look at her with disdain and how the females would be told to avoid her. They hated her, they thought she was spoiled and thought herself above them. Not only that, but she would have to bear the sight of Nesta and Cassian together like a never ending assault to her heart. Perhaps she would stand the glares and the insults of male and female Illyrians, but she didn’t think she could stand the torture of watching Cassian and Nesta all over each other. It was best to stay away from them. 

“I’ll keep on training on my own.”

“You should train with Azriel every once in a while,” he suggested.

Ariela stared down at her plate. “I really do understand that he doesn’t want to be around me more than necessary.”

The High Lord sighed. “I won’t interfere, but it is not that Azriel doesn’t want to be around you. He doesn’t know how to interact with you. He does not blame you for the things your family did.”

Ariela said nothing and the High Lord got up to leave. “There is an account with your pay for your help with the Autumn Court, starting today, you’ll have a steady pay.”

“Thank you,” she bowed her head slightly.

Rhysand left, flying off the balcony. Ariela pushed away her plate of untouched food. The knots on her stomach wouldn’t let her consume any. Ariela would do the work even without pay. She would always be grateful to her High Lord and High Lady.

But the pay would allow her to save up and rent her own place. When she left the Autumn Court, Eris had told her to find time to visit soon. If the High Lord of the Autumn Court was going to be requesting her presence at his court, she needed to have her own place where no one would know if she had spent the night or not. 

…

Ariela did not see Cassian until a week later. Elain and Feyre had insisted she had dinner at the house. They had planned a night out after dinner. Ariela gave in to attending dinner, but declined the offer to go dancing after. However, when dinner was done and over with, they insisted once again.

“Come on,” said Morrigan. “You’re young, you need to have some fun.”

“It’ll be fun,” said Feyre. 

“I don’t want to ruin your fun,” she said. “I’ve never been dancing—“

“Another reason why you must come along!” Morrigan gasped. “And you won’t ruin our fun. It’ll be nice to have you.”

Azriel cleared his throat. “You should come.”

Ariela was taken by surprise. She did not say a word, simply stared back at Azriel.

“It’s decided then!” Morrigan tugged her arm. “You’ll need to change clothes. I have some dresses that would look great on you.”

The blonde dragged her off to her room and Feyre followed. Morrigan immediately went to her armoire, looking through the endless dresses she seemed to have. Ariela could see different shades of red, Morrigan would pull out a dress, stare at it for a moment and then shove it back in, then proceed to do the same with several others. 

At last, she nodded to herself and turned to Ariela. “I think this one would look great on you. Go on and change,” she pointed at the folding screen at the corner of the room. 

The Illyrian did as told. She went behind the screen and removed her clothes. The dress was dark red chiffon with an open back and deep neckline that reached all the way down past her breasts. The open back allowed her to slip into the dress without her wings being a problem. Ariela felt her body flush at how much skin she was showing. She wondered if the cut was supposed to be that deep or if it was because her breasts were smaller than Morrigan’s.

“Isn’t this too much?” Ariela sputtered. 

Morrigan peeked behind the screen and when she saw that she was dressed she tugged her out from behind it. “You look beautiful.”

Feyre nodded. “You really do.”

“Thank you, but are you sure it isn’t too much—“

Morrigan waved it off. “You look gorgeous. But the shoes, I think I do have a pair that might fit you. I think you’re a size smaller.” 

She set down a pair of red heels for her to try. Ariela felt relieved that they were not as tall as the ones Morrigan herself was wearing because she doubted she could walk in them. 

“You’re all set,” the blonde declared.

When the three of them came out Azriel gaped at them. He looked at Morrigan with an accusing glare. “She’s a child, couldn’t you’ve picked a less revealing dress?”

Though Ariela agreed the dress was too revealing, she did not like being called a child. “I am not a child,” she crossed her arms over her chest. 

“You are,” Cassian sided with the other Illyrian.

Ariela pursed her lips, trying to hide the hurt. It’s what she was to Cassian, a child. Nesta looked at her briefly and then turned her attention elsewhere.

Feyre scoffed. “She’s just a year younger than I was when I met you.”

The High Lord came to wrap an arm around his mate and smiled. “I think Ariela looks great. Let’s go before you two idiots make her regret accepting the invitation.”

…

Ariela had never tasted a drop of alcohol. Even when she had dinner at the house, no one seemed to realize that she drank all her water and didn’t touch the wine. So when the drinks were brought to them, she simply stared at the pink drink. 

Morrigan waved her hand at Azriel, asking him to scoot over. When he didn’t, she scoffed and squeezed herself between them, forcing him to move. She lifted up Ariela’s drink. “Try it. It’s Meridian’s favorite. You look like you’d like sweet drinks.”

The blonde pressed the glass to her lips and tipped it over. The drink was sweet and cold, making her skin prickle when a drop ran down her chin to her neck. It was strawberry flavor, but she could also taste a strong hint of liquor. 

Morrigan pulled the glass away from her lips and placed it down on the small round table with a click. She grabbed a napkin and dabbed away the spilled drink from her neck. “How was it?”

“Sweet,” she answered. “Who is Meridian?”

Morrigan smiled. “The Night Court’s emissary.” 

The one Rhysand said was on the continent. “I don’t know about drinks, but I think she has a good taste.”

The blonde laughed. “You’re cute.”

Ariela felt her cheeks and chest flush. Being called cute from someone as beautiful as Morrigan was too much. 

“Do you have someone you have your eyes on?” The blonde suddenly asked. 

Ariela suppressed the urge to look at Cassian, he was sitting at another table with Nesta and Amren. “No.”

“I suppose there weren’t many decent males for you to be interested in,” said Morrigan. “But there are plenty of choices here and not all males.”

“She’s only eighteen!” Azriel cut in.

Morrigan rolled her eyes. “Yes, she’s eighteen, not twelve.”

Ariela was not a child. She took a long gulp of the pink drink. “If I was still at the camp, I’d probably be planning my wedding.”

“Had they picked someone for you?” Morrigan asked, looking outraged.

“They must have,” she assumed. “But they wouldn’t tell me.” 

Morrigan took a long sip of her wine, still looking outraged. “Well now you can do as you please,” she said. “You don’t have to marry anyone you don’t like. I’d suggest not marrying soon. Have fun, find what you like. But Azriel is right that you are young, so be careful, don’t let anyone take advantage of you.”

Ariela nodded and took another sip of her drink. It was good advice, she supposed, but it was a little too late. She had already been with Eris and the fact that it was Morrigan giving her the advice made her feel ashamed. The Illyrian didn’t know exactly what had happened. But she knew enough to know it was unforgivable. Eris must have been the highest bidder who her parents must have chosen for her to marry. And then when she had been hurt, he had not helped her. Because of that history, everyone hated Eris. 

“Come on,” Morrigan tugged her arm. “Let’s go dance.”

…

Ariela had gone to the bar to ask for water after she escaped Morrigan. The blonde was a great dancer and Ariela was not. It was fun, feeling carefree and twirling around with someone like Morrigan, but Ariela couldn’t keep up. The male behind the bar smiled at her and handed her a clear drink, but when she tried to drown it down she spat it out. 

“This isn’t water,” she coughed.

The male laughed. “Drink it slowly sweetheart.”

Ariela stared at the glass and at the male watching her intently. She tried again, taking a small sip. It was strong. 

“You’re not much of a drinker, are you?”

“This is only my second drink,” she explained. 

He shook his head. “That’s not good.” He hummed thoughtfully. “How about I make you different drinks, that way you can find out what you like.”

Ariela didn’t think that was a good idea. “Well, I did like the first one I had. I don’t know the name of it but it tasted like strawberries.”

The male waved his hand dismissively. “You shouldn’t stick to the first thing you try. Just sit there and let me do my magic.”

Ariela looked around, but she found no one she knew. Azriel had stayed at the table and she didn’t even want to wonder about where Cassian was. So she sat down in the stool and watched the male expertly mix drinks and pour them. When he was done, he lined them all in front of her. 

“Won’t it be too much if I drink all of them?” She questioned.

“Only drink half of each,” he said. “I held back with the alcohol a little.”

Ariela took the first in the line. It was a small short glass. 

“Oh, that one you do have to drink it all,” said the male. “You must drink it all at once.” 

Ariela pressed the tiny glass to her lips and tipped it back, swallowing it all at once. She made a choking sound as it burned down her throat. The male chucked. 

“I definitely don’t like that one,” she said. 

“Go on then, try the next.” 

He gave her a glass of water to sip in between. Ariela took two gulps to rinse off the strong taste of the throat burning drink. She set down that glass and moved on to the next drink. It was a wide glass with amber liquid and a big round ball of ice. 

...

She had one drink to go, but she didn’t think she could do it. Her eyes were hazy and her skin was flushed hot. Ariela didn’t feel well. The male behind the bar was called down the other side. He told Ariela to drink some water and wait for him to return.

The Illyrian did as told. She took long gulps of water and stayed put, closing her eyes in hopes it would help feel a little better. 

“Ariela.”

She jolted at the call of her name. The husky, playful voice that called her was all too familiar. She turned around and found Cassian standing there. His face was the most clear thing in her blurred gaze. 

“I think she had too much to drink,” the cold rigid voice startled her. 

Ariela’s gaze landed on Nesta, who stood at Cassian’s side. The Illyrian had his arm wrapped behind her, his hand securely at her waist. Ariela felt sick. She covered her mouth and ran off. 

She found the washroom and rushed into a stall, vomiting the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Even as she vomited her guts out, she was careful to hold her hair back and to watch out for the borrowed dress. When she was done she rinsed her mouth and left the water running on her hands. Her gaze was still hazy and closing her eyes only made it worse, like she was floating around. It made her more dizzy. She was using her wings to stay steady on her feet.

“Are you alright?”

Ariela looked up at the mirror. The bartender was at the door. Though she had known it was not Cassian from the voice, she had still hoped it was him. “This is the lady’s room.”

The male chuckled. “Come on,” he waved her towards him. “I’ll take you somewhere quiet so you can rest.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Azriel pushed past him. “I’ll be taking her home.”

The male pursed his lips and looked at Ariela. “You didn’t say you came with someone.”

“He’s my…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say. 

“I’m her brother,” said Azriel. He grabbed Ariela by the arm to steady her. Then he wrapped an arm firmly around her and walked her out, pushing past the male still at the doorway. 

Azriel took her all the way to her bedroom. He waited for her when she went to the restroom to vomit whatever was left on her stomach. She washed her face and mouth and changed into her pajamas. The shadowsinger had a glass of water for her when she came out.

Ariela sat in the bar and drank. 

“You shouldn’t have drank so much,” Azriel scolded. “It was your first time drinking and that male just wanted to take advantage of you when you were too out of it to know what was happening.”

“He didn’t do anything,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“If Cassian hadn’t told me—“

Ariela groaned. She set the glass on the nightstand and slipped under the covers. “You and Cassian need to stop treating me like a child.”

“Then stop being so naive!” He exclaimed. “You need to be more aware, you need to think about the consequences of your choices. If Cassian hadn’t seen you, I wouldn’t have known to find you the washroom and that male would’ve taken you off somewhere else. When you went to the Autumn Court with Cassian, you should’ve left like he told you to. Things could’ve gone very bad—“

Ariela sat up, feeling dizzy for a second. “It’s because I stayed that he signed,” she bit out. “Cassian didn’t care to leave me there. That is why Eris listened to me. He was honest with me. He was so shocked that Cassian had just left me there all alone with him that he told me that you all hate him and don’t trust him. He gave me a chance because I am nothing to you.”

It was not all entirely true. Eris had gotten interested because of how shocked he was that Cassian left her alone with him. But he had signed because he had taken her to bed. And yes, Eris had first thought she was no one when Cassian left, but Ariela was not as naive as Azriel thought. Eris had been even more interested in taking her to bed when she told him Cassian was her mate. 

Azriel shook his head. “You are,” he said. “You are my sister. I am sorry I was so distant at first, I needed time to process. But you are my sister and I am your older brother, I know you are of age, but you’re still young and I don’t want you to be hurt.”

Ariela’s cheeks were wet. “Do you really mean that?”

Azriel nodded. 

Ariela hugged him. The Azriel wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back gently. If only he had told her this earlier, before she had gone to the Autumn Court. It was too late because she knew she could not end whatever she had with Eris. But that would not take away the happiness of having her brother. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> Someone asked if there will be a Azriel/ Cassian POV. I thought about a Cassian POV chapter but not for a while. It’s just a possibility but I am not sure yet. 
> 
> I haven’t thought of an Azriel POV in this story because it would spoil the reason Meridian is in the continent. Where do you think he disappears to? To see Meridian. ♥╭╮♥


	7. Just Want to Feel Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela just wants to feel wanted. Eris is pulling her deeper into his arms. Ariela wanted to belong into Night Court, with her brother, her mate, and the Inner Circle, but she is finding more reasons to stay away from them.

Ariela did not return to the Autumn Court until a month later. Rhysand had sent her with some documents to the Autumn Court. They didn’t need to be signed. She just had to deliver them and she had the rest of the day off. Rhysand and Feyre were going away for a few days, thus she did not need to report back. Ariela had already moved into a one bedroom apartment just the previous week, no one would know if she spent the night at the Autumn Court. Azriel had been less distant, helping her move and inviting her to come along before Feyre or Morrigan did. But Azriel had something to attend to as well. He had taken her to breakfast the previous day and he had told her he would be out of town for a few days, to contact Morrigan or Cassian if she needed something. No one would know if Ariela didn't make it back to the Night Court. 

When she arrived at the Autumn Court, she was told by one of the aids that The High Lord was busy. Ariela wondered if he was angry that she had not come before. The maids served her tea and sat her in one of the balconies. Ariela had drank a cup of tea and waited and waited and waited until the pot of tea had gone cold. 

No one came to check on her. Perhaps Eris was really angry with her. Ariela sighed and flew down to the ground from the balcony. She went on a walk, admiring the colors of the Autumn Court. 

After some aimless walking she followed the sound of distant voices. It sounded like several males gathered together. As she got closer she could hear swords clicking, grunts and shouts. When she found the source, she stayed still. It was the Autumn Court guard training. There were some practicing with swords, others practicing hand combat and some practicing archery. 

Ariela climbed up a tree, she didn’t want to seem like she was spying, but she was scared of walking closer. She watched them train from a distance, the archers pulled most of her attention. She was entranced, watching how gracefully they pulled the string of their bow. How they positioned the arrow and pulled back. How they seemed to stand gracefully still before letting go. She watched the arrow fly in the wind, cutting through air before landing on the target. 

“Have they sent you to spy now?” 

Ariela was startled by Eris standing below her. He was shirtless, his body glistening with sweat. 

Ariela jumped down from the tree. “No...I was waiting for you but—“

Eris started walking away, in the direction of the House. Ariela rushed after him. “Rhysand sent some documents.”

“I told you to come sooner,” said Eris.

“I couldn’t,” she explained. “But I can stay today. Rhysand said I didn’t need to report back. And I couldn’t come before because I had been looking for a place. I—I live alone now. No one will know if I don’t come back.”

Eris stopped and grabbed her suddenly by the chin. Ariela held her breath, her body frozen in fear. The High Lord stared at her. He let go abruptly and clenched his hand. “Let’s go.”

Ariela swallowed. She followed after him, not questioning where, but it soon became clear that they were heading to his chambers when they entered Forrest House. The moment they entered his chamber he shut the door and pressed her against the wall. 

He kissed her hard and pressed his palm on the low of her back to pull her close to him. He smelled of cinnamon and smoke. Ariela slowly embraced him too, her hands touching lithe but hard muscle, his skin dripping of sweat. 

Eris growled and kissed down her throat, his teeth grazing her neck. Ariela held her breath and closed her eyes. Images of Cassian kissing Nesta, holding her hand, or wrapping an arm around her waist. Cassian was her mate but he did not want her. To him she was a child not worth looking at. Nesta was his everything and Ariela was nothing. Then there was Eris, the High Lord of the Autumn Court, desperate to get her undressed. 

Ariela trailed her fingers down his chest to the abs of his stomach. She pressed herself closer to him and kissed his jaw. Eris groaned and lifted her up without warning. He carried her to his large bed and dumped her there, quickly crawling on top of her. He clashed their lips together in a hungry kiss.

Ariela started removing her own clothing, starting with unbuckling her weapon belt and proceeding to the leathers. Eris grew impatient, the leathers had many buckles and soon his fingers were undoing them as well. Ariela grabbed his shoulders as leverage to lift herself up so Eris had access to the buckles in the back that closed the leaders around her wings. When those were undone the top of her leathers came out easily. 

After that it was all easily removed and she knew she was supposed to feel shame as her Illyrian leathers fell to the floor of the High Lord’s bedroom, but she did not want to feel those things now. If she pushed past the shame and the gawing feeling at the pit of her stomach, past the feelings of betrayal and the part of her that was still a little scared of Eris—if she put that all behind her, then she could just feel good and wanted.

Eris removed his pants and hovered over her again. The anger she had seen in his eyes before was gone, replaced by desire. He kissed her, less harshly but not less intensely. His body was hot against hers and the smell of smoke and cinnamon was overpowering. 

The High Lord took his time kissing down her throat, sucking on her neck, grazing his teeth across her nipple, teasing the place between her legs with the tips of his fingers, drawing out gasps and shivers from her. 

Eris parted her legs open and fit himself between them, pushing inside her with a single thrust. Ariela moaned, gripping his shoulders tightly. He didn’t move at first, simply stayed sheathed inside her while he kissed her throat and caressed her sides with his fingertips. 

Once Ariela grew relaxed, Eris began to move. He started off with slow but powerful thrusts, reaching deep inside as he slowly dragged his length in and out of her. Ariela kept her grip on his shoulder, her eyes fluttered close and her lips parted slightly with small gasps and moans. This was all she wanted to think about and feel. They way Eris made her feel, the pleasure and the desire. The High Lord knew how to make her feel good. 

“Eris,” Ariela called his name as he picked up the pace. She wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him closer to her. 

His thrusts became faster and harder, giving her no time to catch her breath. The High Lord groaned, grabbing her chin and kissing her as he fucked her hard and fast. Ariela came, crying into his mouth as he continued. He held her by the hips, watched her arch her back into him, his long strands of red her brushing her face. 

Erie let out a groan, burying his face on her breasts as he spilled inside her. He gave three last thrust before he pulled out slowly and lay next to her. He held Ariela against his chest, now both of them spent and sweaty. 

They laid there for an hour or so, Ariela was drowsy but Eris roused her with kisses and teasing touches. They did it again but this time he came on her stomach and Ariela was too tired to move afterwards so he carried to the bath and they soaked in there until Eris chuckled at her half closed eyes. 

When they finished the bed sheets had been changed and Ariela wondered if the maids had come in while they were bathing.

“Wear this,” Eris came to her holding a silk nightgown, this one was already cut to fit her. 

Instead of handing it to her he held it for her to slip on. Once he had helped her into it he kept a hand on her shoulder. Admiring the way the silk fit her. He trailed his fingers down her side and pressed a kiss to her neck. 

“You look lovely,” he whispered. Ariela blushed. “I’ll have them make more, one of every color. But I think this one will always be my favorite.”

The silk nightgown was the color of burnt autumn leaves with gold lace trim ending a few inches above her knee. Eris pressed another kiss to her neck and pushed her down on the bed gently. They slipped under the covers and the High Lord wrapped an arm around her waist. 

“It looks like they’ll be sending you like I asked,” he commented.

“Yes,” Ariela confirmed. “After the last time I came, Rhysand gave me a temporary position. He says his emissary is unavailable at the moment, but you usually get along well enough for her to be his communication here.”

Eris chuckled. “We are civil, yes. Meridian is smart and doesn’t let personal matters get involved with the job.”

“Rhysand said that until she returns, I’ll be the one communicating with you and the Spring Court and occasionally other courts if he's unavailable.”

“Good for you, pretty bird,” said Eris. “You’ve proven yourself. But you might want to be careful when she returns.”

“Why?” She asked, looking up at him.

Eris tucked her hair behind her ear. “Because she will probably like you. But Meridian has a talent for reading people and the moment she sees us together, she will know.”

Ariela made a mental note. “You think she’ll like me? I haven’t heard much about her but she sounds strong.”

“Haven’t heard much about her?” Eris questioned, sounding surprised. “Meridian is Azriel’s mate.” 

Eris took in her expression and caressed her cheek gently. “Ah, is your brother keeping away from you? Don’t worry, pretty bird. I don’t know much about your brother, but I know he is not a man of many words. Meridian will love you and I am sure she will get you two closer.”

“He has—he’a been trying lately. He took me out for breakfast the other day and he helped me move.” she excused. “Perhaps he’s not ready to talk about her,” she tried. Then added, “what if she finds out about us?”

“I don’t mind anyone knowing,” said Eris. “But right now,” he sighed. “You’re so confused my little bird. You have to be sure you want to be with me and not your mate.”

Ariela was startled by his words. Was he asking her to choose? Eris must have sensed her panic because he kissed her gently. 

“I am not asking you to decide anything,” he calmed her. “I am simply telling you that I don’t care if they know. But they will question you. They will ask you if you really want to be with me and Meridian is too good at figuring things out. She will know about your mate. Unless you learn to control your emotions. Right now, you express everything you’re feeling on your pretty little face.”

“I thought I was good at hiding my emotions,” she frowned. “No one has found me out yet.”

Eris’s fingers brushed her jaw. “You are very expressive, your best bet is staying away from them. No one’s gotten close to you, have they? That is why they haven’t figured out.”

That made sense. Ariela mostly kept to herself, only attending dinners with them she couldn’t refuse. Recently Azriel had started to try talking to her more, ever since she had gotten drunk that night. But if the shadowsinger got too close, he might discover her feelings for Cassian and her relationship with Eris. 

Eris who had never met her before was able to figure out her feelings for Cassian after being in a room with them a few minutes. Now Ariela tried not to look at her mate so obviously, but if Meridian was as good as she sounded, she’d figure her out as quickly as Eris. 

Ariela didn’t know if it was luck that had kept Rhysand from figuring it out or if the High Lord suspected she had some feelings for him but didn’t dig deeper to avoid conflict. Cassian was his friend, his sworn brother, and Nesta was his mate’s sister. Ariela had come after and if the High Lord did not know of the mate bond, he likely kept his suspicions quiet. Azriel was also Rhysand’s friend and sworn brother, and Ariela was his sister, things could get messy. Or perhaps he had dismissed any possible suspicions for admiration or gratitude. 

She didn’t know what reason to thank for Rhysand not figuring her out, but she needed to keep it that way. There was also the possibility that the High Lord and perhaps everyone in the Inner Circle knew about the mate bond. What if Cassian had told them? What if they were all pretending it didn’t exist? Nesta was the High Lady’s sister and she had met Cassian first. Cassian seemed to have eyes for no one but her. Perhaps they were hoping she would never bring it up.

“Don’t make yourself upset,” Eris cupped her face, bringing her back from her endless thoughts. Ariela realized she started to cry. The High Lord sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “We’ll figure it out. For now, how about we rest a little?”

She nodded as he brushed away her tears with his thumb. He kissed her again, so gently. Ariela relaxed against him, his arm wrapping around her waist once again. Eris could be so gentle, a side no one seemed to know but her. She gave into his embrace, her wings relaxing, her eyes closing, lulled by the light caress of his fingers over her arm as he held her close with his other. Ariela let go of her worries and fell asleep to Eris’s gentle caress and the heat of his body pressed against hers. 

… 

The next morning, they ate breakfast on the balcony at Eris’s chamber. Ariela wore a matching silk robe over her nightgown, her hair down and softly caressed by the morning breeze. Ariela caught sight of some guards walking towards the training grounds and turned to Eris. “Will you be training today?”

The High Lord looked up from the documents he was reading. “Are you leaving right after breakfast?”

Ariela shook her head. “I was wondering if I could go with you—to train. I can just watch.”

Eris arched his eyebrows. “Who trains you in the Night Court?”

“Feyre got me into training,” she said. “Then Cassian—but he only has supervised my training twice and Azriel went to see me train last week. But mostly, I train alone.”

The High Lord looked surprised and somewhat displeased. “Is there something you particularly want to learn?”

“The bow!” She blurted, the excitement getting the best of her. Then more calmly she said, “I have always wanted to learn archery.”

“You can practice here,” said Eris. “If you’re done eating why don’t you go change and we’ll go once I’m done with this.”

Ariela’s eyes widened. “Really?”

He reached across the table and caressed her cheek. “Yes, you can practice whenever you’re here.”

Ariela jumped up from her chair in joy. “Thank you!”

She rushed into the room to change.

…

Eris had allowed her to train all morning until she had accidentally cut herself after a third string slap to her forearm. She had felt stupid and embraressed but Eris said it was common in beginners. The male supervising the archers had told her he would get her an arm guard next time she came and would help fix her stand. 

When she had first gone with Eris to the training grounds, she had received many stares, but a glare from the High Lord had been enough. Ariela wondered how many of the staff and the guards and courtiers knew. Eris was not careful, he touched her and kissed her when he wanted, not carrying who saw them. 

As they walked back to the House, Eris kept an arm around her waist. 

“Eris,” someone called the High Lord's name from the entrance call as they passed by. 

Eris stopped and turned, his face surprised. “Right, our meeting is in a few minutes, isn’t it?”

Ariela blinked at the male standing at the entrance hall. There was a maid at his side, probably who had answered the door. The high fae male was tall and broad, his hair blond and falling past his shoulders. He wore dark brown pants and a white shirt topped by a forest green velvet vest with gold embroidery. 

The male scoffed. “Did you forget?”

Ariela swallowed. Eris kept his first grip on her waist. “I was a little distracted, but can you blame me?” He tucked Ariela’s hair behind her ear.

Tamlin’s green eyes slid towards her. “Aren’t you an Illyrian?” He asked, his brows furrowed as he looked from her wings to her face and lastly to Eris.

“Yes,” she whispered. 

“This is Ariela,” Eris introduced her. “She was just learning the bow and arrow but she suffered a minor injury, so if you could stop intimidating her, Tamlin, she needs to go tend to her arm now.”

Tamlin glared at Eris. Ariela excused herself and left. There was another aid waiting to guide her to another room. 

After they applied ointment to her arm and bandaged it, Ariela went up to Eris’s room, but the aid stopped her and guided her to a room across from Eris.

“The High Lord thought you might want your own space,” she explained, “he asked us last night to prepare a room for you.”

The room was smaller than Eris’s but it was twice as big as the room back in her apartment. The maid told her that her leathers had been washed and hung in the wardrobe and left. Ariela found her leathers, but there was also a dress, made to accommodate her wings, some pants like the ones she wore and a few shirts. There was also a white nightgown like the one she wore last night. She wondered if that one had stayed in Eris’s room or if they were washing it. 

Ariela put on her leathers and folded up the clothes she had been wearing. The surprise of the room had faded and she felt anxious about the sudden meeting with the High Lord of the Spring Court. What if he told someone from the Night Court? Ariela pushed that thought away. It seemed like Tamlin’s communication to the Night Court was through Meridian who was currently unavailable. Now it was Ariela who would communicate with the High Lord, so no one should find out from him. 

It definitely made it an awkward first meeting, but there were worse positions he could have caught them in and at least she didn’t have to worry about him telling anyone from the Night Court. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!!
> 
> What do you think of Eris and Ariela? 
> 
> What do you think Tamlin’s response to seeing an Illyrian with Eris will be?


	8. Spring Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Eris’s brothers attacks Ariela. Tamlin takes her away from the Autumn Court to see to her injuries.

After half an hour of sitting in the armchair that looked out the window, she left the room still anxious about the situation. Ariela walked quietly, seeking out a maid that would tell her if the High Lord of the Spring Court was still with Eris. But it was her who was found by a high fae male she had no doubt was one of Eris’s brothers. The male stopped when he saw her and his lips curled in a cruel smirk as he assessed her. 

“Aren’t you the female my brother has been playing with?” He said. 

Ariela froze. 

“I am not sure what—“

The red headed male grabbed her by the arm, right over the cut on her forearm and pressed hard. Ariela yelped, but before she could try to form any words, he knocked the air out of her, slamming her hard against the nearest wall. Ariela saw red. She yanked her arm free, pushed the male off her and moved away from the wall. 

The male gave her a murderous look. “Don’t forget who I am and who you are. I already know Illyrian males are brainless meathead and now I can see the females are just sluts—“

Something came over Ariela and before she could think of the consequences, her fist was already colliding with his jaw. The male’s fury was immediate. He recovered from the punch in a blink of an eye and pushed her down to the ground with a knife to her neck. Ariela remembered what Cassian had taught her the second time he supervised her training. He hadn’t stayed long, but it was a lesson on weapons—how to defend herself against someone armed. 

She assessed their positions, the space between them and her smaller frame. Ariela abruptly turned her head to the right. The male followed the faint. Ariela twisted her arm around his, knocking the knife out his hand and wrapped her legs around his neck, using all her weight to flip them over so that now he was the one on his back. The Illyrian released him and made a run for it. She only made it two steps before he grabbed her ankle and dragged her to the ground. She hit her knees hard, but immediately attempted to get up. 

The male only slammed her back down, gripping her by the back of her neck. Ariela tried to shake him off by extending her wings, but it was a mistake. He forcefully folded her left wing, drawing out a cry from her. 

A deep growl sounded in the room and the male was ripped off her. “What did you do to her?” Eris screamed.

Someone came to her, grabbing her by the arms to help her up. She flinched away, but when she looked up with tear filled eyes she saw no threat on Tamlin’s face. He assessed her wing and looked at the Vanserra brothers arguing. Eris had a hold on his brother’s neck. 

Ariela tried to stretch her wing, but whimpered in pain. 

“She needs a healer,” Tamlin snapped. “I’ll take her to my court while you deal with your sick brother.”

“Tamlin don’t you—“

The High Lord of the Spring Court did not listen. He lifted Ariela up in his arms and walked out of Forrest House. The Illyrian felt disoriented for a moment. The moment they left the House, they were standing in a totally different place. The grass and trees were green with no golden leaves. There was a garden of all kinds of flowers and a grand manor with roses growing at the side. 

A high fae male was coming out the manor and almost skipped a step when he saw the High Lord. “What happened? Who is she?”

“Orson,” the High Lord commanded, “go get a healer, preferably one that knows about wings.”

The sentinel did not need to be told twice. He nodded his head once and took off. The High Lord carried her inside, and was quickly followed by a maid. 

“I’m fine,” Ariela attempted as he set her down in a chair. “I think I just need to rest it.”

“We should make sure first,” said the High Lord. 

“I’ll bring some tea!” The maid called all one her own and rushed off.

Ariela looked up at the High Lord and swallowed. “Why did you help me? Why did you bring me to your court?”

The bond male looked away. “Eris said you are Meridian’s temporary replacement. That means we might be working together.”

“Do you get along with Meridian?” She asked curiously.

Tamlin nodded. “She helped me before. I am grateful to her.” 

Meridian sounded like she was extremely good at her job, she sounded strong and irreplaceable. She was glad for her brother. 

“I don’t think I am doing a good job being her replacement,” Ariela whispered. “I messed up.”

Tamlin sighed and sat down. “You seemed to be close to Eris,” he said and waited to see if she would say something. “The Vanserras are not the best company. Erie might not be as cruel as his father, but he does things for his own gain. You should stay away from him.”

“He isn’t that bad,” she defended him. “He is the only one who has listened to me—“ she shut her mouth before she could say more.

Tamlin sighed. Fortunately, the maid arrived with tea, Ariela took it as her cue to leave. 

“Thank you for your help,” she said, getting up, “but I should go—“

“Try stretching out your wing,” Tamlin requested.

“I’m fine—“

He shook his head. “How will you get back to the Night Court with an injured wing?”

They both stared at each other. Ariela knew that if she tried stretching her wing it would only hurt. Tamlin turned to the maid. “Fix her a bedroom so the healer can take a look at her.”

…

Ariela sat on a large bed, her left wing draped over her back. The healer had reassured her that it was nothing major. She needed to rest her wing for a day or two and then exercise it for it to heal properly. 

The Illyrian was crying, not much for the pain but because she had messed up. Perhaps if she had stayed in the room this wouldn’t have happened. How was she supposed to go back to the Night Court? She could be away for two days without anyone noticing, but more than that could get her caught. 

There was a knock on the door before it opened. Ariela tried to hide her face but the High Lord had seen her tears. “The healer said you’ll be fine.”

“I need to return to the Night Court before they realize I’ve been gone,” she sniffled. “How am I supposed to get there? How am I supposed to explain my absence?”

“Did you not go to the Autumn for business,” he questioned, “tell them what happened. “

She shook her head. “My business in the Autumn Court was to drop off some documents and return. I stayed. I should’ve been back yesterday.”

Tamlin sighed. “How old are you?”

“Why does that matter?” She sniffled.

“Because you look young and Eris is centuries—“

“‘My mate is about Eris’s age,” she excused. Why did everyone take her for a child?

“Your mate?” He questioned. “You have a mate but you’re with Eris?”

Ariela knew she shouldn’t be telling him any of it, but she felt exhausted from carrying it all inside. She had no one to confide in and it wasn’t like the High Lord of the Spring Court would spread gossip about her. 

“My mate didn’t want me,” she told him. Tamlin handed her a handkerchief, she hesitated but took it. “He’s with someone else. With someone better—the High Lady’s sister, Nesta.”

Tamlin stared at her incredulously. “Your mate is Cassian, the General?”

Ariela nodded. “It hurts to be rejected by your mate. It hurts that no one cares, that no one sees that I am in pain. Eris was the only one to realize how hurt I was. He listens to me, he helps me forget and he is really nice and gentle to me.” 

“If he treats you so well,” said Tamlin, “why don’t you want them to know about you and him?”

Ariela looked down in shame. “Because they hated him and I don’t want them to hate me. Azriel hates Eris and distrusts him. He warned me about him and if he finds out he is going to be disappointed and disgusted.”

“Why do you care what Azriel thinks?” He asked.

“Azriel and I are half siblings,” she explained. 

The High Lord ran his hand over his hair. “If you’re so afraid of telling them, don’t you think it might be because there is something wrong with your relationship? Eris might be playing with you—“

Ariela shook her head. “Eris tells me things as they are. Cassian—he just keeps on hurting me. Ignoring the bond and flaunting his relationship with Nesta every time I see them. Yet, I am stupid enough to hope and stupid enough to still care and get hurt every time. With Eris I don’t get hurt.”

“I wouldn’t say that after today,” said Tamlin.

Ariela wiped away her remaining tears. “That was his brother. Eris really isn’t bad. He is kind to me. He explains things to me, he doesn’t keep me in the dark about things, he even let me practice archery today. Back at home, I was hit for lifting a bow, but he didn’t think twice about it.”

Tamlin placed a hand on top of her head. “You need to be careful. Do not lower your guard in the Autumn Court. Even if Eris has a soft spot for you, his brothers are sick and cruel. If you need someone to listen or if you want to practice archery, you are welcome at my court.”

Ariela swallowed the lump on her throat. “Will you keep it a secret? What we talked about?”

Tamlin nodded. “As long as you are careful.”

“I will.”

The High Lord removed his hand and turned away. “Get some rest, someone will come get you for lunch, or bring your meal over if you feel more comfortable.”

“Thank you.”

…

The next morning, Ariela woke up bright and early. Her wing hurt when she tried stretching, but all her other injuries were gone due to her Illyrian healing. She was searching for her leathers when a maid knocked on her door and brought them in fleshly clean. Ariela thanked her and got dressed. She descended the stairs quietly and found the maid that had brought out tea the previous day. 

“Breakfast is served,” she informed her.

Ariela hesitated. “Am not sure I should—“

The maid waved off her excuse and pushed her towards the dining room. There was a large table in the middle of the room, most of the chairs taken by sentinels who were talking loudly as they ate, the High Lord sat at the head of the table talking intently with one of them. 

“Sit, sit,” said the maid, “they don’t bite.”

That drew their attention and soon, all their eyes were on her. “I hope you slept well,” said Tamlin, “are you feeling better?” 

At once, the sentinels at one side of the table scooted one seat down to free up the seat next to Tamlin. Ariela hesitated, but it would be unmannered to refuse so she advanced to the chair. Tamlin stood and pulled the chair out for her, as he touched it, the chair transformed its backrest, with room to accommodate her wings.

“Thank you,” said Ariela. 

She was immediately offered from everything that was on the table, but the maid gave the males a look and served Ariela a plate. The Illyrian thanked her again and tried to relax among the stares.

She had only ate a few bites when two high fae females and a male entered the room. The females were dressed in gear too and had weapons strapped around their waist. Tamlin looked up as they approached. “What is it?”

One of the females stepped forward. “The High Lord of the Autumn Court requests his lover is returned safely or he will come get her himself.”

Ariela flushed red from being called Eris lover and from all the stares she received from the sentinels. 

“Tells his guards that Ariela will return when she wishes to,” said Tamlin. 

“He did not send his guards,” said the female sentinel. “It was Eris himself who came to the border and requested her return.”

Tamlin looked surprised. He looked at Ariela and spoke with sincerity. “If you do not want to go back, you can stay. I’ll find a way to send you back to your court. “

Ariela did not want to cause a scene. She was embarrassed as it was and she also wanted to avoid someone from the Night Court finding out. She shook her head. “Thank you, but I should go with Eris. It wasn’t him who hurt me, it was his brother and I’m sure it won’t happen again. I really appreciate what you did, but I must talk to him.”

Tamlin sighed. “I’ll take you to the border.”

Tamlin’s sentinels insisted on going with them to the border, but the High Lord told them to stand down. Ariela rode on the back of his horse, holding onto him. She was glad that his sentinels hadn’t gone with them because she felt embarrassed enough. The horse ride to the border took a while. Ariela guessed that Tamlin hadn’t winnowed there to make Eris wait. 

Sure enough, when they arrived at the border, Eris looked irritated as he glared at Tamlin. He looked even more displeased when Tamlin helped her off the horse. Eris extended his hand over the borderline, a call for her to go over to him, but Tamlin did not let go of her hand.

Eris glared at him. Tamlin stared back. “I hope you’re not playing with her, Eris. If she gets hurt by you or one of your brothers, you know Meridian will not hesitate to make you pay.” 

“Stay out of it,” Eris growled.

Ariela touched Tamlin’s shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about me—and please, do not tell anyone what happened.”

Tamlin nodded his head once, though he did not look fully convinced. Ariela hoped he kept his word and didn’t tell anyone. She crossed the borderline and was immediately pulled to the High Lord of the Autumn Court. Eris grabbed her tightly to his body and winnowed to Forest House.

Ariela felt momentarily lightheaded from the abrupt change of scenery. They were not only at Forest House, but in the High Lord’s bedchamber. Eris pulled her into a forceful kiss before she could regain her full senses. She breathed through her nose the best she could and let Eris kiss her until he was satisfied.

“Did he do anything to you?” Eris interrogated.

There was a wild, possessive look on his face. Ariela shook her head. “No, of course not. He only helped me.”

The male’s eyes flicked to her wings. “Did you see a healer? I will call for one now—“

“I was treated already,” she stopped him. “She said I must rest my wing for two days and then do stretching exercises. It was nothing major.”

Eris pressed his forehead against hers. “No one in my court will ever hurt you again, I promise you now.”

Ariela stared down at their feet. “He is your brother and I am just a—I am just someone who keeps your bed warm.”

“Do not say that,” lifted her chin up and kissed her. “You are more than that.” 

_ I am your toy, _ her mind whispered. 

“I do not want to cause conflict,” she said simply. “Next time I will be more careful not to get in your brothers’ way.”

Eris sat on the bed and dragged her to his lap. “I am the High Lord and you are my guest, you will be treated as such from now on. Do not worry about my brothers.”

Ariela nodded, not knowing what else to say. She let Eris bring her down to his lips and kissed him back. “I need to return to the Night Court,” she said once he pulled back.

“You can’t fly like this,” he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Stay here and rest and when you are all better you can go back.”

She shook her head. “They will know I was gone. How will I explain my absence?”

Eris breathed her in and whispered against her neck. “Will they? Are you certain they will notice your absence?”

Ariela’s voice died at her throat. No, she was not certain. It was a mere hope that someone in the Night Court cared enough to notice she was gone. But she could not be certain. 

“Stay here with me,” he kissed her neck tenderly, yet his grip on her hips was firm and possessive. “Heal properly and then go back.”

“What if they do notice?” She insisted. “They will search for me here first. How will I explain myself?”

“A little lie here and there,” he brushed it off. “You can tell them you hurt your wing when you flew off from here and since you were still in my territory my guards found you and brought you back. Or you could use the truth, just twist it to your convenience. Tell them the day you came with the documents, on your way out, my brother hurt you and I punished him for it.”

Ariela shook her head. “They would never send me here again.”

Eris traced her spine with his fingers. “Then tell them the lie.” 

What choice did she have? She gave in and he smiled before she could tell him she had. He already knew. The High Lord kissed her gently, hands caressing her body softly. Ariela thought he was going to make love to her, but he simply laid down with her on his chest and tangled his fingers on her hair, massaging her scalp gently until it lulled her into sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day! My gift to you is more angst! Now Tamlin has been thrown into this mess.


	9. If He Could See Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela stays at the Autumn Court and spends the day with Eris. Her heart stops when a maid comes to her to inform her there are two Illyrians looking for her.

That day he had not touched her more than gentle caresses and careful kisses. But the following day the High Lord could not hold himself any longer. He had fucked her first thing in the morning. His gentle kisses had turned lustful and his hand had slipped between her legs. He had rubbed her folds until she was wet and her thighs quivered as he fucked her with his fingers. Then he had turned her on her stomach, lifted her hips and pushed his length into her. 

“I want to see you,” he had groaned as he sheathed himself deep into her. “But if I lay you on your back it will hurt your wing.”

Ariela had been too breathless to answer. She gripped the bed sheets tightly as he slowly drew out of her. He did it so slowly, she could feel every inch of him as he pulled out of her and then thrust back in.

He was minding her body, he said, as he fucked her slowly. Eris’s thrusts were slow but deep, they had her moaning and gasping all the same as when he fucked her hard and fast. He made a mess of her as she came, toes curling, calling out his name as his hot length continued to slowly thrust in and out of her.

He came inside her and said he wanted to take her all over again but he didn’t want to hurt her, so he would hold back. He carried her to the bath, warm and fragrant with oils. She rested on his lap as usual and he kissed and licked her neck as his fingers cleaned his seed from her insides.

She melted against him all over again. He was hard from watching her and touching her, but he didn’t fuck her. He took care of himself after she came crying on his fingers. Eris helped her into a silk gown and a matching robe. When they came out, breakfast was served on the balcony and the sheets had been changed. 

“Do you want to watch the archers?” He asked her when they were done with breakfast.

“Can I?” She perked. 

“You can do whatever you want,” he told her. 

They got dressed, Eris helping her into her clothes with the excuse that he didn’t want her to hurt her wing. But he was deliberately slow about it and slowly caressed her skin. Ariela thought they would go at it once more, but the High Lord just kissed her a few times and helped her finish getting dressed. 

They went to the training grounds together, the males bowed their heads at the high lord and their eyes didn’t dare linger on Ariela for too long. 

“Glad to see you back,” the male who supervised the archers’ training bowed his head, not only at his High Lord, but at Ariela as well. “I heard you were injured. It might be best if you only watch this time.” 

He gestured to a wooden round table that had been set under the shade of a tree. Eris guided her to the table, they both sat there to watch the archery training. A maid came to serve tea after a while and Eris kissed her cheek, excusing himself for a little while as he had to attend to some matters. 

…

After spending most of the morning and noon in the training grounds, the pair returned to Forest House for lunch. Ariela would have stayed there for longer if Eris had not come to fetch her. Only then had she noticed her growling stomach. Ariela went to her room to wash up. She removed the borrowed clothes and wore her clean leathers. She was slipping on her boots when a maid knocked at her door. 

“Lord Eris requests your presence in the throne room,” she announced.

“In the throne room?” Ariela asked in confusion.

“Two Illyrians from the Night Court arrived asking for you.”

Ariela’s heart stopped. 

“Lady Ariela,” said the maid when she didn’t respond or move.

“Lady?” She questioned.

The maid nodded. “The High Lord ordered you be addressed as such.”

Ariela did not have time to worry over it, she took a deep breath and left the room, heading to the throne room. Her body was tense and worry ate at the pit of her stomach.

When Ariela arrived at the throne room, the tension was high in the air. Azriel and Cassian were both there, looking menacing. They both turned to her when she entered the room and searched her body for injuries.

“They have finally come to get you,” said Eris, his tone unfazed by their threatening looks. “They came disappointedly late, but at least they remembered your existence and noticed your absence after...how many days has it been?”

Ariela’s chest hurt at the truth of his words. 

“What happened?” Azriel questioned. “Is it true that you got hurt and it’s why you stayed?”

Ariela did not look at Eris as she nodded. She didn’t want to give them reason to think the High Lord had forced into saying so. “The day I came to hand the documents something came over me when I left. I was flying and I suddenly felt hot. It was like the day at the camp, when I was training with the other females,” she looked at Cassian. “I fell and injured my wing on the branch of a tree. Some guard found me and brought me back to Forest House.”

“Why didn’t you let us know?” Azriel asked.

“How would I?” She shrugged. “The High Lord got a healer to look after me. The healer said there was no major damage. She advised me not to fly. To rest my wing for a few days and then exercise the muscles and I’d be good as new.”

Cassian turned to Eris. “Why didn’t you inform the Night Court?”

The High Lord shrugged. “She never asked me to,” he answered truthfully.

Cassian gritted his teeth. Azriel sighed. “Why didn’t you? We would’ve come sooner.”

Ariela shook her head. “Eris had already called a healer for me and provided a room for me to rest. I did not want to impose any further. Besides, you were not in the Night Court. I did not want to cause an inconvenience.”

“Yes but I was,” said Cassian. “I went to check on you the day of, you weren’t there but I thought maybe you had gone out. I didn’t imagine you didn’t return until I went again and asked around.”

“She thought you would realize she was gone,” Eris said cruelly. “What a cruel way to let her know she’s the last of your worries.”

“Shut up,” Cassian growled. “You kept quiet on purpose. It wouldn’t have cost you anything to inform us, but you kept silent.”

Eris shrugged. “I did her a favor, now she knows how little you care for her.”

Azriel’s shadows darkened the room and Cassian’s body seemed to be radiating his anger into heat. Ariela shook her head at Eris and grabbed both of the Illyrians’ wrists. “That’s enough. We should go back now.” She looked at Eris’s again and nodded her head. “Thank you for your hospitality—“

“Do not thank him,” Cassian growled. He held her hand tightly. 

“He helped me when I was hurt,” she said. “Of course I should thank him.”

Cassian’s features were filled with fury. “Do not let him fool you. He only kept you here to make us angry. It was not kindness, it was a scheme to get to us.”

Ariela yanked her hand away from his grip. “Not everything is about you. I got hurt and he offered his help. That is all.”

Cassian clenched his jaw. He placed his hand on her shoulder. “Ariela—“

“That’s enough,” Azriel intervened. 

He grabbed Ariela’s hand and walked away without a look at the High Lord. Ariela wanted to look back at Eris, but she could not. She let Azriel take her away from Forest House and gripped him tightly when he flew into the air with her. 

Cassian flew behind them but he did not follow when they arrived at the Night Court and he took her to her apartment. Once inside, Azriel crossed her arms and leaned against the door. 

“You should have asked him to send word of your injury,” he said.

“You were gone,” she excused. “I didn’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“You are not an inconvenience,” he said firmly. “I would have gone to get you no matter what. I was too far from here, but Cassian would’ve gone immediately so you wouldn’t have to wait for me to arrive.”

“I was fine,” she said. “It was not a major injury. I would’ve returned in a few days.”

“The Autumn Court is not safe,” Azriel scolded. “You can’t let your guard down.”

“I didn’t,” she lied. “But Eris had no ill intent against me.” She could see him getting angry and she did not want him to think she was too trusting of Eris, so she added. “Yes, he likely didn’t inform the Night Court to piss you off, but he didn’t actually plan for anything. He probably just wanted to throw it at your face—that I was hurt and at his court without you knowing.”

Azriel sighed. “Ariela, I want you to understand that you are not an inconvenience. I told you before, I’ll be there whenever you need me.”

“I don’t want Rhysand to think I’m useless,” she said, pushing the conversion away from Eris. “I can do my job. I don’t want him to think I’m weak and stop sending me to the Autumn Court or wherever he needs me to go.”

Azriel shook his head. “You are not weak. You are strong,” he came closer to her and tentatively grabbed her hand. “You need siphons to control the power inside you. Rhysand would never think you weak.” 

“No Illyrian war lord would give a female siphons,” she said.

“They will,” said Azriel. “Sooner or later they will.”

Ariela said nothing and Azriel sighed. “I should go inform Rhysand of the situation.” Seeing her intent to protest, he assured her. “He wouldn’t take away your job because of this. Do not worry about it.”

The shadowsinger wrapped his arms around her. It was a brief gesture, she almost thought she had imagined. But she had not, he had hugged her, his shadows lingered around her. 

“I’ll come check on you later,” he said. “I will take you to the healer.”

“That’s not necessary—“ she tried, but he was gone.

…

Ariela had showered and dressed in comfortable leggings and sweater when there was a knock at her door. She expected Azriel, but froze when it was Cassian behind the door. He was holding two bags of food from the restaurant down the street. 

He let himself in before she could react and headed for the small kitchen. “What—what are you doing?”

“They probably didn’t feed you, did they?” He scoffed, setting the table for two and serving her a full plate. 

“Of course they did,” she said. “They fed me just fine.”

Cassian didn’t seem convinced. “Sit down.”

When Ariela didn’t move, Cassian grabbed her hand and pushed her down on the chair. He had only held her hand for a second, but she clung to the feeling of the warmth of his hand on hers. 

“Eat,” he said and sat across from her. 

Ariela stared at the food and then at Cassian. She slowly started to eat. Cassian didn’t eat, he just watched her. “I am sorry I was so rude before,” he apologized.

Ariela stopped eating and looked up at him. Cassian scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know what came over me. I just felt so angry, Ariela.”

“Why?” Ariela asked before she could hold her tongue, her voice soft and hopeful.

Cassian stared at her, his eyes seemed startled by the question. He frowned and ran a hand over his hair. He shook his head. “I don’t know—because you are Azriel’s little sister. I want you to trust me enough to call for me when you need help. You shouldn’t have stayed at the Autumn Court.”

The small hope that had fluttered in her chest was put out like a dying flame. “I am not a little girl,” she said, pushing the plate away.

“That’s not what I meant,” said Cassian. “You are one of us, and we will always be there when you need us.”

Ariela was not one of them. She didn’t need him to look at her like Azriel’s little sister. If only he could see her like a female—like his mate. It was everything she wanted. Then she would stop going to the Autumn Court. She would stop lying. If only he would see her.

She heard the drag of the chair against the wooden floor and thought he was getting up to leave. But her heart jumped to her throat when he knelt in front of her, arms going around her to hold her tightly against him. 

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

Her tears fell on his shoulder and then she realized she had been crying. Ariela held onto his leathers, he still wore the warrior leathers he had gone with to the Autumn Court. She wanted to desperately dig her nails in, make him stay with her forever. Tell him he was hurting her. Tell him she had slept with Eris, see if it hurt him at least a little. She wanted to kiss him and beg him to stay. She wanted to beg him to accept the bond. 

But her fear ate her words. His rejection was wordless now, but if she dared say something he would turn her down with words she would not be able to escape from. It was better to leave it unsaid, to keep a flicker of hope alive, a quiet flame at the end of the ribbon that stretched between them as a mate bond. Ariela knew that if she told him now, he would put that flame out with the cold whisper of Nesta’s name. 

So the Illyrian female dropped her arms from around him and promised him to call for his help if she ever needed to. She swallowed the knot on her throat and blinked her burning tearful eyes. 

Cassian patted her head like a child. “Finish your food. I have to go, but I’m sure Azriel will be back soon.”

She heard the door close and remained at the chair, staring at all the food he had brought her. She ate slowly, tears running down her face. What would he do if she offered him food? Would he silently reject it? Would he give her a silent look and push the plate away? Or would he break the spell and tell her no. 

Ariela finished her meal, washed the dishes and went to the bathroom to wash her tear stained face. She washed out the tears with cold water and pressed her face into the towel. 

She set the towel down and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was still a little girl to Cassian. Her mate believed her too young—he only saw her as Azriel’s little sister. 

How long until he saw her as a mature female? Eris saw her as a female. A female old enough to be desirable, to be fucked hard and slow. He liked to trace the curves of her hips and cup her warm breasts. He likes to kiss her plump lips and trace her jaw and cheekbones. 

If the High Lord of the Autumn Court found her desirable, other males would too. Perhaps Tamlin would and the bartender from that club. 

Ariela shook her head. What was she thinking? She did not want to come home and scrub away the feeling of a stranger’s touch on her skin. She needed Eris. He was all she really needed. He made her feel wanted and his touches no longer felt like dirty handprints of her skin. Besides, no one would understand her like Eris. No one knew her body like Eris, not even herself.  _ And if Cassian ever cares, nothing would hurt him like you sleeping with Eris _ , a voice whispered in the back of her mind. 

“Ariela?”

Azriel’s voice startled her out of her thoughts. She composed herself and walked out of the room. He found Azriel in the small kitchen, eyeing the food. 

“The door was open,” he told her.

“Cassian stopped by,” she said, relieved when her voice didn’t waver. “He brought food—too much food. Are you hungry?”

“I was going to take you out to eat,” he said, pulling a chair to sit down. Ariela brought out a plate for him. “Help yourself, I already ate.”

Azriel piled some food to his place and began to eat as she sat across from him. “What did Cassian want?”

Ariela shrugged. “Same as you—tell me I should’ve asked for help.”

“He was worried,” said Azriel.

The female measured her expressions, suppressing her emotions as best she could. She was more aware of them after Eris had pointed out she wore her emotions on her face. “Why was he worried?”

“You do realize there are people who care about you, right?” Azriel looked serious. “If we don’t know where you are, of course we would worry. When I arrived Cassian was ready to fly to the Autumn Court. If I had arrived a few minutes later he would’ve left on his own.”

“I would’ve been fine,” she said, and quickly added, “but thank you for worrying about me.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said. “I just wish you’d trust that when we tell you that we care and that you can call for us for help.”

“I do trust you,” she said quickly.

The shadowsinger shook his head. “You turn your head and nod because you don’t believe it.”

Ariela looked up at him startled to be found out. So much for hiding her emotions. “I’m just not used to it,” she tried. “No one really cared before.”

“We do,” he said softly.

Ariela felt guilty and ashamed. Azriel was trying to get closer while she was thinking of how to hide her feeling better. She wanted a better relationship with Azriel, but she didn’t want him to find out about Eris. 

“Thank you,” she said, this time looking at his eyes, the color matching her own. 

She hoped he believed her gratitude. Ariela really was thankful as long as he didn’t watch her too closely and caught up to her lies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!!
> 
> Some of y’all are hating Azriel in this fic 😭 I’m sorry. That was never my intention. Think of it this way. His brothers and stepmother abused him, locked him up and chained him to the ground when his instincts wanted him to fly. He suffered through all that abuse and imagine years later (many many years) a girl shows up and says it’s his sister, she comes from the same family that messed up his childhood. Let him warm up her, don’t hate my baby. 
> 
> Anyway, 
> 
> Listen to No Time to Die by Billie Eilish while reading this fic. Some of the lyrics just hit the spot.


	10. Arm Me, Disarm Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariela is sent to the Spring Court to deliver a message. She arrives with a shattered heart and when Tamlin tries to comfort her, things take an unexpected turn.

After Azriel and Cassian brought her back from the Autumn Court, Ariela had become more careful. She was worried that Rhysand would see more behind her stay at the Autumn Court. He seemed not to have made it a big deal, only asking her if she was alright. Ariela still worried that her High Lord suspected something so she tried to stay away from the Inner Circle. It was difficult to do so as Azriel was trying to get closer to her. She felt guilty refusing invitations, so she would agree every now and then. 

A week later Ariela was being sent to the Spring Court. They didn’t seem to have received word of her unplanned visit. They thought it would be her first time there so they had given her the rundown of what she should expect. Ariela knew that Feyre had once been Tamlin’s bride to be, but she left his court and joined Rhysand. The mate bond between them had drawn them together with the strength Ariela’s own bond lacked. She had heard the Spring Court had been a mess after Feyre left, but it had been restored to protect the borders to the human lands. When they gave her the rundown of the court, no one mentioned any of that. It didn’t do well to remember old wounds, Ariela assumed. 

There didn’t seem to be much tension between the courts. It was more like a mutual avoidance. Apparently Meridian had once been Tamlin’s emissary and she had established a good relationship with the High Lord. 

Ariela’s job was to deliver some documents to decide on a meeting of High Lords and High Lady. They had explained that when they formed a new treaty to protect the human lands, they had agreed to meet every two years to review any changes. The meeting was not for another year, but they were considering moving it ahead since the one they had previously signed was when Beron was still alive. They wanted Eris to sign it. 

“We are hoping Meridian is back by then,” said Feyre. “She knows how to read and negotiate with Eris. But we need to be prepared if she doesn’t make it back by then. We need to know that all the other High Lords will pressure Eris to sign if he tries to refuse.”

“You think he’ll refuse?” Ariela asked. “I thought he was better than his father.”

“He shouldn’t,” said Rhysand. “But it won’t hurt to be prepared.” 

Ariela bit her lip to prevent any of her thoughts from slipping. She didn’t think Eris would refuse. They were painting him cruel as his father, but Eris was not like they said he was. Ariela kept all those thoughts inside herself. They could think what they wanted of Eris and send her to the Spring Court for their fall safe, Ariela would go and deliver the documents and then she would fly to him. She had not seen him again since Azriel and Cassian went to fetch her from the Autumn Court. She was too worried that they would catch her if she tried to go to him. Azriel had been dropping by at unexpected times to take her out for a meal. Sometimes it was only the two of them and other times it was the whole Inner Circle. 

“Good, you haven’t left.”

Ariela turned her head in the direction of the voice—one too familiar to mistake—and found Cassian and Nesta walking her way. The high fae stopped as Cassian continued towards Ariela. 

“I got something for you,” he said.

He was holding an Illyrian weapon belt that held twin Illyrian blades. Ariela’s eyes widened. “For me?”

Cassian smiled big and her heart skipped a beat. He unbuckled the belt and before Ariela’s mind could process it, he stepped into her space and circled her waist as he buckled the belt around her. 

The Illyrian female didn’t dare move, her heart was beating wildly, his fingers brushed her hips as he adjusted the belt, spreading warm across her skin. He smelled of earth, musk, and fire. 

“I doubt you’ll need them at the Spring Court,” said Cassian, “but when you go to other courts you should be properly armed. A single blade isn’t enough.”

Ariela nodded, trying to hide her blush. But as she avoided Cassian’s gaze she came to the griping cold gaze of Nesta’s eyes. The cold reminder that Cassian would never put her first. The warm she felt from simply being close to Cassian vanished and was replaced by anguish. 

“Thank you,” she said. “I should go now.”

If Cassian intended to respond, Ariela did not give him time to. She walked away, her heart falling into pieces again. As soon as she had put a good distance and a corridor between them, she began to walk quickly. She had to get out of the house before she suffocated. She made out, the colorful garden a mock of her suffering. 

She took off into the air, desperate to get out of the Night Court. 

… 

When she arrived at the Spring Court, the fresh air had cooled down her mood. But her chest felt heavy as if they had replaced her heart with a heavy, cold stone. Her misery must have shown through her features because Orson kept glancing at her as he walked her to his High Lord. 

Tamlin was in his study, writing a letter, a cup of steaming tea at his side. The sentinel delivered her to the room and bowed as he departed, closing the door behind him. 

“Have a seat,” said Tamlin. 

Ariela sat in the plush chair across from him. “I have come—“

Tamlin lifted up his hand, stopping her. As if on cue, a maid walked in carrying a tray. She set down a plate of pastries and a teacup that matched Tamlin’s. She poured Ariela tea and set the pot down on the tray before excusing herself. 

“You may proceed,” he said, “I didn’t want you to be interrupted.”

Ariela nodded. She took the envelope out from her leathers and set it down on the desk. “Rhysand wishes to know your stand on the possibility of having a meeting to discuss the treaty in the next month rather than waiting a year.”

Tamlin took the envelope and cut the seal open with a small knife. “To make Eris stand by it, I assume.”

Ariela nodded.

Tamlin unfolded the letter but his eyes were on her instead of the writing. “Does it bother you—them not trusting Eris to honor the past agreements?”

Ariela shook her head. “My relationship with Eris has nothing to do with my job.” 

She had believed it for the second it took her to say it, but she almost flinched after hearing her own words. It was a lie, it had been Eris’s insistence on Ariela being her contact to the Night Court that had gotten her the job.

“Then why do you look so upset?” He asked, setting down the letter.

“It has nothing to do with Eris,” she said.

Tamlin got up from his chair and came to the one next to hers. “Is it Cassian?”

Ariela stared at her lap and saw the tears fall on her leathers. “Why is it so hard to hide?”

Tamlin remained quiet, her soft cries the only sound of the room. When Ariela’s tears began to dry out, Tamlin offered her a handkerchief. “I am not very good at comforting,” he said, tapping her knee lightly. “I hope listening is enough”

Ariela stared at his hand, embarrassed to look up with a red face. Tamlin had thick fingers like Cassian, also calloused from training. Ariela wished it was her mate comforting her, even if he just listened to her cry. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” He offered.

Ariela shook her head, watching his hand on her knee. “Nothing really happened,” she said. “It is just that sometimes seeing him with her hurts too much to contain.”

Tamlin removed his hand and she watched it go and rest on the chair. “Have you told him that he is hurting you?”

Ariela finally looked up. “He must know.”

“I don’t think he means to hurt you,” said Tamlin. “Perhaps he believes you do not want the mate bond either.”

Ariela shook her head, but she realized she had never considered this. It did not change the fact that Cassian did not want her, but perhaps it meant that Cassian was not aware he was hurting her, believing she also didn’t want to be with him.

“It changes nothing,” she said. “As long as he does not want me, it will hurt.”

“Stay away from him then,” Tamlin suggested. “Focus on yourself and no one else. It will not do you any good to keep on seeing him or Eris.”

“Eris does not hurt me,” she argued. “Cassian prefers someone perfect like Nesta and completely ignores me as a female. Eris sees me. He think I’m pretty enough—“

“You are pretty,” said Tamlin. “You are a beautiful female, any male would tell you that, you do not need Eris to tell you that.”

Ariela’s past thoughts crept into her mind again. Would other males desired her like Eris did? Would Tamlin see her as a desirable female? The Illyrian wanted to know. She got up slowly and closed the distance between them with two steps. 

Tamlin stared up at her in confusion as she climbed on his lap. “If I was your mate, would you want me?”

She saw the High Lord swallow, the lump on his throat bobbing. He gripped the arms of the chair as if touching her would make him guilty of a crime. Ariela traced his jaw with her finger and continued to his throat. 

“Would you?” She repeated.

“You are a beautiful female,” he said again. “I would be honored to have a beautiful mate.” 

She felt a thrill go through her. Ariela pressed her lips over Tamlin’s and wrapped her arms around his neck. The High Lord kissed her back and placed his palm on the low of her back, bringing her closer to him. Tamlin pressed his tongue into her mouth, he tasted of tea and honey. He was a good kisser, though she only had Eris to compare to. Tamlin did not kiss like Eris, but it was good in a different way. It was not hungry, desperate, or gentle. It was exploring and careful.

When they pulled away to catch their breath Ariela pressed her hands to his abdomen, feeling hard muscle under his clothing. 

Tamlin grabbed her hands, stopping her. Ariela froze, realizing how she had behaved. “You are beautiful, Ariela. But I do not like to share and I know you don’t actually want this.”

“I am sorry,” she said, getting up and stepping away. 

“Shall we forget this happened?” He suggested. “I wish to remain friends. My court is still open for you.” 

Ariela nodded. “Thank you.”

“Tell Rhysand I do believe it is necessary to have Eris sign the agreement,” he said. “I will have a written response soon, if you wish to wait.”

Ariel was too embarrassed to stay. “I will be back in a few hours.”

The Illyrian excused herself quickly and left the manor to fly to the Autumn Court. 

… 

Ariela took longer than necessary to arrive at the Autumn Court. She needed time to compose herself and push the rising anxiety of what she had done to the back of her head. Eris knew how to read her so she needed to stop thinking about it. 

It was all Cassian’s fault. He had shattered her heart again and she had kissed Tamlin on an impulse as if he would care.

When she landed in the Autumn Court, her heart once again felt like a weighing stone. She paid no mind to the maids that welcomed her, addressing her as Lady Ariela again. They told her Eris was in his chamber, changing his clothing and before they could announce her presence, Ariela made her way up the stairs. 

Forest House was grand, with many corridors and rooms, but Ariela knew her way around it as if it was her small apartment at the Night Court. She knocked on his door and was immediately answered as he was on his way out. 

He looked a little shocked to see her, but had no time to say a word because Ariela kissed him. The High Lord pulled away to look at her, his eyes searching her face. He pulled her into the room and closed the door of his bedchamber with a kick and connected his lips with hers again. Ariela kissed him back desperately needing to feel his desire for her. The High Lord suddenly grabbed her chin and pulled away to look at her, his eyebrows raised. “Someone’s eager today.”

Ariela’s cheeks turned pink, but she pulled his hands away and pulled him down to her lips. She could not tell him about Tamlin, she doubted he would be forgiving. She felt him smirk against her lips and his arm circled her waist. 

He pulled his lips away slightly to speak. “Did Cassian hurt you again?” He asked cruelly. “What was it this time? Did he ignore your presence or did he kiss Nesta in front of you?”

Ariela jerked away, but he held her against him, not letting her move away from him. He held her chin firmly and kissed her. Ariela pressed her hands on his chest and pushed, trying to dislodge herself from him.

“Ah, did I hurt you?” He asked. “I apologize, my birdie, I just got a little angry.”

Ariela kept her palms on his chest. “What is there for you to be angry about?”

Eris grabbed one of her hands and brought it up to his mouth. He pressed a gentle kiss on it. “I am angry that you still let him hurt you like this.”

Ariela swallowed thickly. “How do you know?”

Eris grabbed her other hand and repeated the gesture. “I know you. The moment I saw you I could see how hurt and sad you are right now.”

“I can’t help it,” she choked. 

The High Lord sighed, placing his hands on her hips momentarily before proceeding to unbuckle her Illyrian weapon belt, disarming her completely as he tossed it on an armchair and slipped off the blade she had strapped on thigh. 

Eris walked her to the bed and pushed her down gently. Ariela thought he would start taking off her clothes but Eris lay next to her and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her to his chest. 

Ariela was still fully dressed, but she felt bare as she lay with him, her Illyrian weapons on his armchair, her tears pouring down her cheeks. “Why do you do this?” She cried. “Why do you say those things and then treat me gently?”

Eris’s cupped the side of her face. “I don’t mean it,” he said. “It angers me that you let him hurt you and I can’t help the things I say.”

The Illyrian felt a gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach as the High Lord’s lips brushed hers. She felt like the first time he had brought her to his bed. But if she ran away, who would she run to? She could not confide in Azriel or anyone from the Night Court. 

Eris kissed her properly, his lips moving over hers, his tongue slipping between her lips to taste her mouth. His fingers undid the buckles of her leathers as his lips stole her breath. When her chest was too heavy, he pulled away to let her breathe and started kissing down her neck as he undressed her. 

The gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach gave way as her body started reacting to his touches. Eris knew where to kiss, where to touch, where to lick and grip to turn her tears into pants and moans. He took her apart, dismantling any doubt and worry she had. 

When he was done and sated with her she was tired and breathless, her mind mush and unable to form any thoughts. He held her against his chest and kissed the top of her head. 

“Should I carry you into the bath?” He mumbled against her forehead as he pressed another kiss. 

Ariela merely hummed. Eris chuckled and got up from the bed. The Illyrian was really starting to look forward to the baths. Most of the time she was too tired to move, but the warm water relaxed her spent muscles and Eris liked to wash her skin gently with scented soaps and oils that perfumed her skin and made it feel smooth and clean. 

The Illyrian thought back to the Spring Court, where she must return before going back to the Night Court. She had been so stupid, throwing herself to another High Lord. She knew it had been a stupid thing to do and she didn’t know what had possessed her to do it. She had done enough wrong by sleeping with Eris, who was hated by everyone in the Night Court and who had done some damage to Morrigan. Now she had kissed Tamlin, the man who had once kept her High Lady as his bride. 

If they were to find out her deeds, disappointment would not be the only thing she would receive. She wouldn’t blame them if they banished her from the Night Court, she deserved it. 

“I need to go,” she told him as she got dressed. “I was sent to deliver something to the Spring Court. Tamlin said he would write a letter back so I need to go back before I fly back to the Night Court.”

Eris pulled her down to his lap. “Why haven’t you come to me?” He kissed her neck while he slowly helped her buckle her leathers. “Are they keeping you busy?” 

“No,” she sighed. “Azriel keeps asking me to come along with him and the others. I don’t have an opportunity to slip away.”

Eris tucked her hair behind her ear. “Reject the offers, they’ll start asking you out less. It’s better that way, you don’t want them to figure you out.”

Ariela stared down at her lap. “I’ll try.”

Eris kissed her gently.

…

Ariela felt embarrassed to face Tamlin again, she was hoping he would spare her the shame and had left his response to the maids or a sentinel. But as divine punishment, a sentinel informed her that the High Lord was waiting for her in the study. 

She entered and bowed her head slightly, not meeting his gaze. “I thought we agreed to forget the earlier occurrences,” said Tamlin. “You have nothing to be embarrassed of.”

“My behavior was unacceptable,” she whispered.

Tamlin sighed. “I was flattered.” The Illyrian looked up at him tentatively. “It would be a shame to let such a nice gesture ruin our emerging relationship. My court will remain open for you if you ever need to talk or practice archery or simply be.”

“You are too kind.”

“I am not,” he shook his head. He got up from behind his desk and handed her a sealed envelope. “I hope to see you soon,” he said as she slipped it into her pocket. “You do not have to wait until they send you again. Please come as you like.”

“Thank you,” Ariela bowed her head slightly. 

Tamlin walked her out of the manor and watched her fly off. Ariela was not sure she would return so soon, she could not help but feel foolish and embarrassed. But the opportunity to practice archery was tempting and the idea of being able to be at the Spring Court simply to be. She could escape her pain from the Night Court in the fields of the Spring Court. But she doubted Eris would like it. His bed was always open for her and he had also offered his training grounds to her.

She would still keep Tamlin’s offer in mind—for when she wanted to simply escape without having to warm someone’s bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!
> 
> What do you think of the kiss Ariela and Tamlin shared? 
> 
> To tell you the truth, when I first started imagining this story, Ariela was supposed to sleep with Eris and Helion. But later I thought that if Beron died, the Lady of the Autumn Court would be free to be with him. So I thought of Tamlin. But her relationship with Eris became more serious as I developed the story so   
> ┐(‘～`；)┌

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are well appreciated!!
> 
> I had the impulse of posting this. If you’re reading my Azriel/oc fic, thanks for encouraging me to post this one!


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